Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Self-doubt and how its killing me...

Irishsean · 10-10-2004, 05:19 PM

I apologize for the length...

First, a little background.

All thru high school and college I was the "Teddy-bear," the guy any girl could go to with problems and I'd be a shoulder to cry on. It was painfull hearing about all these girls with terrible boyfriends that would never even guess that I liked them, because I would never speak up and tell them.
I finally got the guts to actually speak up and tell a girl towards the end of my first year at college, and we actually hit it off. After the first couple weeks we were living together, and after 18 months we planned on getting married, and I really loved her. A couple days before the wedding I caught her cheating on me with my best friend, and I swore off women forever.
That was about 6 years ago, and I've found another girl I love. She lives in another state, but its back home for me. I'll be moving there in about 3 months, and can't wait to hold her. We talk on the phone whenever possible, and I write her a note at least every day. But the old feelings keep coming back up. She has never given me any reason to doubt her, and I know its all in my head, but I feel like its just a matter of time till my heart gets crushed again.
What can I do to stop these thoughts in my head? They really are driving me nuts, it seems like if something happens where we don't talk for a day or two because of scheduling or whatever I start spiraling down quickly and get depressed, thinking she's found someone better than me or whatever.
I'm not a ugly guy, a little out of shape, but I'm working on that, I've been told I'm charming, and witty, but none of this sinks in. I still feel like I'm the bottom of the barrel and any girl I fall in love with is gonna leave me by the wayside.
She just started a new job, and 4 of her brothers are getting ready to deploy to iraq, so I know shes incredibly busy right now, but knowing and feeling are different things. How do I deal with this?

10-10-2004, 05:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Irishsean edited for content Location: Austin, TX	Self-doubt and how its killing me... I apologize for the length... First, a little background. All thru high school and college I was the "Teddy-bear," the guy any girl could go to with problems and I'd be a shoulder to cry on. It was painfull hearing about all these girls with terrible boyfriends that would never even guess that I liked them, because I would never speak up and tell them. I finally got the guts to actually speak up and tell a girl towards the end of my first year at college, and we actually hit it off. After the first couple weeks we were living together, and after 18 months we planned on getting married, and I really loved her. A couple days before the wedding I caught her cheating on me with my best friend, and I swore off women forever. That was about 6 years ago, and I've found another girl I love. She lives in another state, but its back home for me. I'll be moving there in about 3 months, and can't wait to hold her. We talk on the phone whenever possible, and I write her a note at least every day. But the old feelings keep coming back up. She has never given me any reason to doubt her, and I know its all in my head, but I feel like its just a matter of time till my heart gets crushed again. What can I do to stop these thoughts in my head? They really are driving me nuts, it seems like if something happens where we don't talk for a day or two because of scheduling or whatever I start spiraling down quickly and get depressed, thinking she's found someone better than me or whatever. I'm not a ugly guy, a little out of shape, but I'm working on that, I've been told I'm charming, and witty, but none of this sinks in. I still feel like I'm the bottom of the barrel and any girl I fall in love with is gonna leave me by the wayside. She just started a new job, and 4 of her brothers are getting ready to deploy to iraq, so I know shes incredibly busy right now, but knowing and feeling are different things. How do I deal with this? __________________ There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances. Leon Trotsky