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Sorry I repeat what others have said, this thread got me thinking a lot of thoughts I wanted to get down before wading through all the other comments.
No sex for a year - no sex in a couple of weeks would probably warrant a semi serious conversation between my husband and I. Women need to feel that the relationship is good on all levels before they enter the sexual aspect of it. Communication is key, have you asked her why she is not interested? Dig deep, encourage her to talk.
I also wonder if it is possible she is depressed. This would explain a lot of things. Sometimes depression doesn't look like the steriotypical depression that we would expect (I had insomnia and a lot of permiscious sex when I was depressed). But lack of sex drive can definetly be a symptom.
I any case YOU HAVE TO TALK. It can be hard, it can be painfull, but without comminication any relationship is key.
And IMO there is never an excuse for an affair. There are plenty of ways to get yourself off and maybe you should be putting that energy into saving your relationship.
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