There was a ton of very good posts in this thread. The first thing you should of done was discuss the issues you were having with her instead of seeking relief from another woman. Redgirl had a good point about the open marriage.. but that would of required talking about everything first before deciding to open the marriage for yourself without informing your wife.
Talk to your wife, tell her what has transpired with the coworker. I think from there you'll find out what's gonna happen.. either she'll wanna work it out, or she'll want a divorce.. either way, you have to remember to do what's best for both of you and don't forget to let any children you have know that it isn't their fault.. they ARE NOT to blame. If she decides she wants to work things out but the sexual desire isn't there.. maybe bring up the open marriage thing, you can be the judge on whether it's something that should be discussed but PLEASE discuss things with her.
For someone to be sitting there, clueless to what's going on (having an idea but not totally sure is included as clueless to me), that's the most horrible feeling. The pain from finding out will hurt but atleast the wondering of whether your 6th sense is correct or not can eat a hole away in your soul/heart.
