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Originally Posted by shakran
i'm gonna dissent from the majority here (try to contain your shock everyone) and say that you not only didn't go too far, you're not going far enough.
She's living in a fantasy world that she can have this kid and not have to hold him responsible for it because mommy and daddy are paying for it. She needs to learn that there are consequences to being stupid (and having sex at 16 is the epitome of stupid) and that if she doesn't want to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done (get child support) then she will have to bear those consequences. Namely, cut her the hell off for a while - it won't take long before she realizes that money is a necessary component to child rearing. Make her aware that until she's willing to hold her rapist (and I don't have a problem with statutory rape, btw. We're talking about adults having sex with children. That is unequivocably wrong) responsible for what he did, she won't get monetary support from you either.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too - have the baby fully funded without upsetting this guy that she thinks she loves. Unfortunately, that's not how the real world works, and the sooner she learns that the sooner she can start working toward being a responsible adult rather than a spoiled child.
*dons flameproof suit*
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Hear, hear Shakran!
I agree wholeheartedly with you.
This guy is 22, living with his mother, raping underaged girls and getting them pregnant, and then he does not even have the balls to get his name on the birth cirtificate, or pay to keep the child fed. Sounds real nice to me, great example of what a father should be like. I can just imagine what a kid will grow up like with his influence.
Victor, this guy belongs in jail. Push for the paternity test and child support.
When you do not need to pay child support anymore, don't. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT give her a single cent more than you are legaly obliged to. Have her learn that nothing in this world is free.
Your daughter has gotten the idea in her head that this "man" (and I use the word in its broadest possible sense) loves her, he's her knight in shining armor trotting along on his white horse, just waiting for his chance to rescue her from your brutal rule. Her head is filled with romantic dreams. She is obviously nowhere near mature enough to be having sex with an adult, nor to raise a child or make intelligent decisions in her life.
Cut her off. Make sure that she knows that she can come to you, but you are not in the wrong here. She is, and this guy is even more so.
At some point she will realise that she needs food, shelter etc. and that these things costs money.
This is a shitty situation to be in, I know. (actually I guess I don't, since I have never been in anything similar, and I am not a parent).
Hopefully she will realise why you did what you have when she grows up -- have you tried explaining it to her? Keep on trying to be part of her life and your grandson's.