Prince

I don't think wifebeating is a cultural thing, at all. However I do believe that there are certain cultural aspects that can increase the likelihood of a man abusing his wife physically. Condemnable? Sure... But I wouldn't get up on such a high horse just yet.

I'd say that neighbour of theirs is sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. If I am not mistaken, there are cultures in which a woman's place and position in a household is quite restrictively defined, and to suggest that a man perform or assist a woman in performing 'female tasks' could - and to me understandably would - come across as suggesting that the woman is incapable of taking care of her duties and fulfilling her 'role'. You and I may not agree with these gender roles, but to someone else they may be part of the deeply rooted fabric of their culture and existence. Your neighbour might mean well, but might also be insulting both of them.

Obedience is not part of a healthy relationship between a man and a woman according to your value system and culture. Aside from the enlightened TFP crew, I dare suggest that there are relatively few couples out there that are perfectly equal. This old-fashioned ignorance, as you called it, is further instigated by cultural customs, and even law; there are still certain state-specific laws in the U.S. that grant the husband more control and ownership over mutual possessions. Furthermore, let's step aside from the wifebeating for a sec and examine gender roles. They persist, as much as we may pretend that they in some cases don't. In fact, in my own personal point of view, Americans seem more stuck with old gender roles than the majority of Western or even Eastern Europe. Most of the 'official' mail that drops in our mailbox here in Texas comes in my name (I'm the husband), or addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. My wife has a name, too, and it isn't Mrs. John Doe. Furthermore, I hear the phrase "head of the household" on a regular basis. It is even on official forms that I've had to fill out, and only one person is allowed to be named as head of the household. I recently read an article in which a woman claimed her bank refused to discuss details of her and her husband's mutual bank loan with her, because the bank would only deal with her husband directly, and told her the matter was "private". This was only in one commonwealth, though, not a general practice obviously.

Despite of all the equality, how come many European nations have elected female presidents, and we have not had one, not once, not ever? All we ever have are white, old, married men.

You may claim that while our beloved society has not progressed far enough in terms of creating equality between the sexes, we do not condone wifebeating either.

So?

I personally think that it is practically impossible to have perfectly equal relationships. The scale always tilts one way, no matter how much we'd like to praise ourselves for our astonishing ability to create the perfect relationship. Maintaining that facade of equality within the relationship requires constant re-evaluation of the gender roles, or redefinition of them. Ultimately someone always wears the pants, whether it ever comes up or not.

In some cultures, it is well defined that the man wears the pants, he's the head of the household, and the wife obeys him. By our standards, this is far from equality, we do not condone or perhaps even understand it. But I think the reason some men in these cultures resort to violence within the home is out of the sheer pressure of having to re-establish themselves in their position. Even in our beloved and better-than-others civilization I've heard men make remarks about a man not being able to keep his wife on a leash...

Ultimately, I believe it's not when we're perfectly equal that we are happy and content...it's when we know our places and are content within them.

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