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I'm going to post without reading any responses, lest I respond to them and not you.
From a fellow father of a beautiful daughter that makes life worth living: A 20 year old man had unprotected sex with your (then) 16 year old daughter and she became pregnate. This is cut and dry. It's illegal and he deserved whatever punishment stipulated by law. There is no argument there. He was put on probation and was not allowed to contact her by court order. He contacted her, thus breaking that order. This tells me that this guy, whether or not he cares for your daughter, is someone who is willing to break a court order. You gave your daughter one month to get a paternity test out of the guy. Nothing. This guy is obviously not a person who is willing to try to compromise with you. I have to admire you for not beating the guy. I don't know how much self control I would be able to muster in your situation.
Now your daughter is really mad at you. In her mind you are the bad guy in this situation, not her deabeat dad boyfriend. This is to be expected. Just keep telling her that you want what is best for her and her son, because you really do. I hope to God that she can get some perspective, but when and if she does, it will take time. Keep being a good father. I feel for you and I really hope that this can get resolved.
Note: you might want to contact your ex about this. I'm sure your daughter has gone crying to her with the whole situation, so you might have an opportunity to keep in touch with her indirectly through your ex.
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