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Hash_Browns · 09-28-2004, 06:56 AM

Ok, I understand that you have had a change of heart, but there are a few things I would like to say, that I didn't notice mentioned elsewhere.

First off, you have openly admitted that you had knowledge of her hanging with certain 'gang' crowds, and being with people you'd rather not see her with. Well, I have to sit back and ask, Where were you then? I don't hear you saying that you did anything to keep her away from them...Restraining orders...yadda yadda. Yes, they are hard to come by without a reason behind them, I know that. But it doesn't keep you from turning her away from them to get her into something better. Take time out of your life and treat her out to dinner instead of letting her hang on the streets with her new 'friends'. It is possible you know, that you could have cut this off before it even got started by being there for her and talking to her about the results of her actions, any of which she could have been making at this time, and all of which could have turned out differently. I have to admit that hearing you say you didn't do anything until 10 months after the baby was born, and only after she opened up to you with the truth and shared her life with you, did you finally see you needed to do something. A little late don't you think?? The baby can't go back, the sex act can't be removed from her memory and your little daughter isn't goint to act like a child but like a Mother, because like it or not, 17 or not, your daughter or not, she is a MOM now and has more on her mind then you think she might. The time for intervention passed you by a long time ago.

Can you prove this guy hasn't given her any money? Can you prove this guy and your daughter didn't have something that was in the process of flourishing? Did you take into consideration that your daughter has watched her Mother raise her 'on her own' (yes we know you send child support and pay all their bills, but she lives with her Mom, that fact stares her right in the face everyday...not a check that does in the bank that she probibly doesn't see physically)? Maybe she wants to do this on her own, and doesn't want any kind of ties with the guy? Maybe if the guy is forced to pay child support, then your daughter will be forced to give him visitation and she doesn't want to deal with that?? Maybe this guy has 'gang' friends who will take his being arrested a little to far and hold it against her or her child?? Yes, some of these things are a bit over annalized, but to a young mother whom you have stated yourself is still thinking like a child, they can stand out hugely and fog any reasonable thought.

Now that that is out, I also want to say that what you did was honorable in a sense, as you were just trying to help your daughter, more then some would be willing to do. But before you do something like this, you really should take your daughter's feelings into consideration. Think about everything that has happened, and really think, then look at yourself in the mirror and say it was worth it....was it?

The other problem is this, if they did have a thing, do you really think that he is going to want to get caught up in a family battle and give his all to his son, to have grandpa try and come up with some new scheme to screw things up? Even if you never intend to intervene again, he has to worry about saying/doing the wrong thing and land himself in jail with more charges that he can't explain. He pleaded guilty, admitted to having sex with your daughter...that to me says he's 'manning up' to his actions. No it doesn't put his name on the birth certificate, but it shows he knows what he did, and obviously understands the results of those actions.

Plain and simple, my opinion isn't going to change what has happened or what will happen, but I felt the need to say a few things since you asked it of anyone willing to share. I hope that you and your family are well and that everything works out in the end. I also hope you do write that letter, because I think it's a great idea, and it will allow your daughter to read it at her own pace instead of it being thrown down her throat without a second to think.

Sincerely,
Hashbrowns

09-28-2004, 06:56 AM	#32 (permalink)
Hash_Browns Psycho Location: Right behind you...BOO!	Ok, I understand that you have had a change of heart, but there are a few things I would like to say, that I didn't notice mentioned elsewhere. First off, you have openly admitted that you had knowledge of her hanging with certain 'gang' crowds, and being with people you'd rather not see her with. Well, I have to sit back and ask, Where were you then? I don't hear you saying that you did anything to keep her away from them...Restraining orders...yadda yadda. Yes, they are hard to come by without a reason behind them, I know that. But it doesn't keep you from turning her away from them to get her into something better. Take time out of your life and treat her out to dinner instead of letting her hang on the streets with her new 'friends'. It is possible you know, that you could have cut this off before it even got started by being there for her and talking to her about the results of her actions, any of which she could have been making at this time, and all of which could have turned out differently. I have to admit that hearing you say you didn't do anything until 10 months after the baby was born, and only after she opened up to you with the truth and shared her life with you, did you finally see you needed to do something. A little late don't you think?? The baby can't go back, the sex act can't be removed from her memory and your little daughter isn't goint to act like a child but like a Mother, because like it or not, 17 or not, your daughter or not, she is a MOM now and has more on her mind then you think she might. The time for intervention passed you by a long time ago. Can you prove this guy hasn't given her any money? Can you prove this guy and your daughter didn't have something that was in the process of flourishing? Did you take into consideration that your daughter has watched her Mother raise her 'on her own' (yes we know you send child support and pay all their bills, but she lives with her Mom, that fact stares her right in the face everyday...not a check that does in the bank that she probibly doesn't see physically)? Maybe she wants to do this on her own, and doesn't want any kind of ties with the guy? Maybe if the guy is forced to pay child support, then your daughter will be forced to give him visitation and she doesn't want to deal with that?? Maybe this guy has 'gang' friends who will take his being arrested a little to far and hold it against her or her child?? Yes, some of these things are a bit over annalized, but to a young mother whom you have stated yourself is still thinking like a child, they can stand out hugely and fog any reasonable thought. Now that that is out, I also want to say that what you did was honorable in a sense, as you were just trying to help your daughter, more then some would be willing to do. But before you do something like this, you really should take your daughter's feelings into consideration. Think about everything that has happened, and really think, then look at yourself in the mirror and say it was worth it....was it? The other problem is this, if they did have a thing, do you really think that he is going to want to get caught up in a family battle and give his all to his son, to have grandpa try and come up with some new scheme to screw things up? Even if you never intend to intervene again, he has to worry about saying/doing the wrong thing and land himself in jail with more charges that he can't explain. He pleaded guilty, admitted to having sex with your daughter...that to me says he's 'manning up' to his actions. No it doesn't put his name on the birth certificate, but it shows he knows what he did, and obviously understands the results of those actions. Plain and simple, my opinion isn't going to change what has happened or what will happen, but I felt the need to say a few things since you asked it of anyone willing to share. I hope that you and your family are well and that everything works out in the end. I also hope you do write that letter, because I think it's a great idea, and it will allow your daughter to read it at her own pace instead of it being thrown down her throat without a second to think. Sincerely, Hashbrowns __________________ Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!