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Originally Posted by CrossEyedLover
Excuse me? It has nothing to do with controlling. It's a relationship with bonds, love and trust. Feelings should be expressed and respected, but not used as a weapon. Last I checked there are two people in a relationship and if the action involves something this fishy and questionable someone should HAVE permission. Being an adult and your own person doesn't mean saying "Screw you I'm an adult. I don't need your permission." to your partner just because you want something. This is a marriage not a women's-lib rally. Spare me the politics.
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First, calm down.
This is not about "women's lib" - I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed. I'm not taking issue with the underlying idea - that she should get her husband's blessing - but with the "lay down the law" way you stated it.
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Let's see: She met the guy when they were broken up and he "inspires" her. She wants to go "stay" with him in a different state while the husband is at home with the kid.  Wake up and smell the coffee.
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Actually she wants to visit him and stay with a female friend.
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What fantasy world do you live in? My relationship is strong with my wife. Neither of us is bitchy or controlling of the other, but I'd be damned if my wife was going to leave me at home with the kids to go stay with a guy "friend" she met when we were split up. My wife says the same thing if it was me in that situation. This is real life, not a book or a TV show. These are real people and not imaginary characters or hypothetical situations. Love is very strong, overpowering emotion. Being protective is part of that, be it of your spouse, your relationship, or your own feelings. This guy's wife shouldn't be putting him in this situation of "damned if you, damned if you don't". If she loved him enough, she wouldn't.
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I don't live in a fantasy world, but I too, am a real person, and I do have a very trusting marriage and neither of us would have a problem with the other seeing a friend of the other sex. In fact, my ex-boyfriend is coming to stay with us for a while next month. *shrug* Different relationships have different boundaries.
And I have to disagree that "If she loved him enough, she wouldn't." She might just be clueless. It doesn't sound like he's communicated just how upset he is...until that happens and she's had a chance to respond, I don't think it's fair to judge her as "unloving".
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This entire situation looks bogus from the get-go. Take a closer look at the situation and get a clue.
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*mod hat* Watch your tone, young man! No need to get snippy just because you disagree with me. /mod hat
I'd say that, in the absence of more details about the situation, both of us are letting our own experiences color our advice. You had a bad experience that makes you see deceit in the situation; I have an open marriage that makes me more neutral and circumspect about her intentions. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.
I note that you didn't reply to the
rest of my message that said "talk to her about it" and gave him the option of requesting that she not go.