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victorjara · 09-27-2004, 04:12 PM

Thank you all for your responses.

xxdrewshadexx

I appreciate your comments, as I am trying to explore all sides of this issue. To clarify, He is on probation for three years, no jail time, and if he keeps out of trouble (I don't think he will be doing this to any more young girls), it will be reduced to a misdemeanor, and possible deleted from his record all together eventually. He is not considered a sex offender. According to the law and to my opinion, a girl, who had just turned 16, (not a couple of months to make it legal, 1.8 years actually in my daughter's case), does not have the ability, self-knowledge, and/or emotional maturity to consent to sex. I did not prevent him from seeing my daughter and the child, the law did. His voluntary actions in disregarding the law, brought about the consequence of no contact, at least until his probation is modified. And as of how my opinion is right now, I will continue to fight modification until he gets tested and my grandson has a father's name on his birth certificate, and child support is happening. Then I am all for him being a dad to the baby. I don't see that as being unreasonable. And it's a good thing that I did press charges; otherwise I would have no leverage over him to ensure he does the responsible thing for the baby.

I guess, as a parent, when someone harms your child or commits a crime against them, the instinct is to circle up the wagons, and fight to protect them. Irregardless of the reasons (which I see as her lack of understanding of adult responsibilities) I can see that this situation is also harming my daughter, perhaps more than the original crime.

Update: This weekend, for the first time in 10 months, my 17 year old daughter refused to let me visit the baby, even though I have been visiting him regularly up till now, and my child support is paying for the roof over his (and her) head, and my medical benefits provided for his birth and neonatal care. So, I made an appointment to see a lawyer, as I will probably have to go to Family Court to invoke my grandparent visitation rights. What a pity. She said that since it is my fault that the dad can't see the baby, then I can't either. That's an opinion that several of the posters share, but I don't as of yet see it that way. Thank you all for your opinions, and please keep 'em coming.

09-27-2004, 04:12 PM	#23 (permalink)
victorjara Upright	Thank you all for your responses. xxdrewshadexx I appreciate your comments, as I am trying to explore all sides of this issue. To clarify, He is on probation for three years, no jail time, and if he keeps out of trouble (I don't think he will be doing this to any more young girls), it will be reduced to a misdemeanor, and possible deleted from his record all together eventually. He is not considered a sex offender. According to the law and to my opinion, a girl, who had just turned 16, (not a couple of months to make it legal, 1.8 years actually in my daughter's case), does not have the ability, self-knowledge, and/or emotional maturity to consent to sex. I did not prevent him from seeing my daughter and the child, the law did. His voluntary actions in disregarding the law, brought about the consequence of no contact, at least until his probation is modified. And as of how my opinion is right now, I will continue to fight modification until he gets tested and my grandson has a father's name on his birth certificate, and child support is happening. Then I am all for him being a dad to the baby. I don't see that as being unreasonable. And it's a good thing that I did press charges; otherwise I would have no leverage over him to ensure he does the responsible thing for the baby. I guess, as a parent, when someone harms your child or commits a crime against them, the instinct is to circle up the wagons, and fight to protect them. Irregardless of the reasons (which I see as her lack of understanding of adult responsibilities) I can see that this situation is also harming my daughter, perhaps more than the original crime. Update: This weekend, for the first time in 10 months, my 17 year old daughter refused to let me visit the baby, even though I have been visiting him regularly up till now, and my child support is paying for the roof over his (and her) head, and my medical benefits provided for his birth and neonatal care. So, I made an appointment to see a lawyer, as I will probably have to go to Family Court to invoke my grandparent visitation rights. What a pity. She said that since it is my fault that the dad can't see the baby, then I can't either. That's an opinion that several of the posters share, but I don't as of yet see it that way. Thank you all for your opinions, and please keep 'em coming. Last edited by victorjara; 09-27-2004 at 04:20 PM..