Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - thoughts on wife visiting friend of opposite sex

CrossEyedLover · 09-27-2004, 08:40 AM

If you truly trusted her, the you wouldn't have asked the question here looking for some kind of confirmation. If she met him when you were split up, then I would take it as a relationship with him, no matter how short it may have been.

I was in a very long-term relationship when I was in my early 20s that lasted for 6+ years. We had one big break-up over very serious differences of opinion on how things should and would be. We broke up for 3 months. I met someone else. She was gorgeous, funny, and "inspiring", but she was 8 years younger than me. I thought maybe I needed more stability and really wasn't sure about letting 6 years go. I broke it off with the younger woman and went back to the old girlfriend. Things stayed the same and I found myself thinking of the other one all the time. I'd talk to her and see her all the time. I'd try to explain to the old girlfriend that the new girl was someone I saw when we broke up and she was now just a "friend", but that went over like a lead balloon. The two never met each other over the course of two years, yet I maintained relationships with both. I ended up marrying the younger woman and have been married, very happily, for 4 years and have 3 awesome little boys.

I was your wife. Granted I wasn't married like you are, but the premiss is the same. I know what it's like to think about the other person. She is unhappy with something in your relationship or thinks something is missing and feels she can find it with the other guy. I think it is ultimately more selfish of her to expect you to think it is okay for her to go than it is for you to expect her to think it's not okay to go.

I WOULD NOT LET HER GO unless you want the strain on the relationship when she gets back. You can't tell me that you won't be thinking about EXACTLY what she supposedly doing when she is with him. It will eat you up just thinking about it. Trust me on this one. If she goes off on you for not wanting her to go, then you guys need to sit down and talk about what the REAL problem is and she needs to be honest about it. I'm sure she won't come out and tell you her feelings for the other guy, but it will at least be a step in the right direction.

I hope things work out well for you guys, but letting her go is a HUGE mistake.

09-27-2004, 08:40 AM	#10 (permalink)
CrossEyedLover Upright Location: NorthCoast, USA	NO FREAKING WAY! If you truly trusted her, the you wouldn't have asked the question here looking for some kind of confirmation. If she met him when you were split up, then I would take it as a relationship with him, no matter how short it may have been. I was in a very long-term relationship when I was in my early 20s that lasted for 6+ years. We had one big break-up over very serious differences of opinion on how things should and would be. We broke up for 3 months. I met someone else. She was gorgeous, funny, and "inspiring", but she was 8 years younger than me. I thought maybe I needed more stability and really wasn't sure about letting 6 years go. I broke it off with the younger woman and went back to the old girlfriend. Things stayed the same and I found myself thinking of the other one all the time. I'd talk to her and see her all the time. I'd try to explain to the old girlfriend that the new girl was someone I saw when we broke up and she was now just a "friend", but that went over like a lead balloon. The two never met each other over the course of two years, yet I maintained relationships with both. I ended up marrying the younger woman and have been married, very happily, for 4 years and have 3 awesome little boys. I was your wife. Granted I wasn't married like you are, but the premiss is the same. I know what it's like to think about the other person. She is unhappy with something in your relationship or thinks something is missing and feels she can find it with the other guy. I think it is ultimately more selfish of her to expect you to think it is okay for her to go than it is for you to expect her to think it's not okay to go. I WOULD NOT LET HER GO unless you want the strain on the relationship when she gets back. You can't tell me that you won't be thinking about EXACTLY what she supposedly doing when she is with him. It will eat you up just thinking about it. Trust me on this one. If she goes off on you for not wanting her to go, then you guys need to sit down and talk about what the REAL problem is and she needs to be honest about it. I'm sure she won't come out and tell you her feelings for the other guy, but it will at least be a step in the right direction. I hope things work out well for you guys, but letting her go is a HUGE mistake. __________________ Did you hear about the CrossEyedLover? He missed her kisser and kissed her pisser.