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UPDATE:
Well things look bad today. We were laying in bed and she said that she was no longer attracted to me. She did not think that she will ever be able to change that. I got up and left, very angry but did not say much.
I drove over to my sisters and talked with her. We had a good discussion and I started feeling better. Realizing that her not being attracted to me is mearly a bi-product of not knowing what love is. She had a terrible childhood and her view of love is construed. So with help she should become aware of how she views love. In turn being attracted to me again. So I drive back home and talk to her about it and she gives me the I i don't want to work on it, I have been wasting my life.....blah blah blah. She did say she would go seek counciling with me, but she said that she doubt it would work. and with that attitude I doubt it would.
So now I feel like it is going to be hard for me to stay nice if we divorce. I just can't believe that after 3 years she would just walk away cause she does not think I am attractive anymore. It would be one thing if I bloated up after we got married, but I have been the exact same the entire time.
So I guess its off to see the divorce lawyers. well in time anyway. we will see how well she takes separation. Maybe in a few months I would be willing to take her back. Not sure.
The thing that hurts the most is that I will not be able to protect her and the kids. If they are no longer here....I can't watch them to make sure they are OK. That, and when I thought about our future, it was always full of happiness and success with her graduating college and getting a good job and I starting a business, kids in school and just living life to the fullest. now those dreams are replaced by what its going to be like seeing her with another man. Or having to tell my children why mommy and daddy are not living together. arrgggh this sucks
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It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time
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