I judge a woman to be a girlfriend with only two pieces of criteria.
1. She likes the smell of duct tape.
2. She doesn't mind being kept in dark places for long periods of time.
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"Behold, my love, behold all that I simultaneously do: scandal, seduction, bad example, incest, adultery, sodomy! Oh, Satan! one and unique God of my soul, inspire thou in me something yet more, present further perversions to my smoking heart, and then shalt thou see how I shall plunge myself into them all!"
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