xim

Maybe you missed the fact that I said "go slow" twice "start small" four times and be "gradual" four times. Maybe you are illiterate. Or maybe you are just angered by something you obviously never learned and want to thwart other people from learning it. Maybe you were that poor guy I saw on Blind Date who was so terrified at the idea of encouraging the girl to think of him as a sexual being that he is forever locked in the freind-zone with every female he talks to. And besides, if a girl is so much of a cold bitch that she responds that way to your touching her, why even waste your time? Secondly, it would do you good not to learn about dating from a TV show. There is nothing less natural than trying to act natural with a camera jammed in your face, especially in such an already high pressure situation as a first date. People act very odd when they are put on display.

This is half of the truth.... the sad bitter half. This is the view that says "If your screwed your screwed" or "you can't change anything so give up", a view created as a defense mechanism for someone who feels powerless. It is true that her present feelings about you, affect her future feelings about you, but it IS possible to change peoples minds about you. Have you ever had a girl compliment you and all of the sudden she seems a little cuter than you'd previously noticed? It works both ways. Be interested in her and she will be more inetersted in you.

The point of my post was not to be a 12 step program to luring her into your trap (as those of you so eager to flame me seem to think). It is just a summation of signals that show your interested.

As you can tell I'm not a big fan of the "Blurt out how you feel" system. That is a very male view on how it should be done. Men are generally much more "to the point" than women, that should be no shock. So although ideally it sounds like a great to be so upfront about it, it is not always the way girls respond best to. Women are indirect. They like to play games (not only to win games but to PLAY games). And most of all women LOVE "the chase". Just walking up to a girl you like and saying "I like you", will flatter her and just might do the trick, if you are especially good looking, or she already has a thing for you. But keep in mind that it totally skips over chase that they love so much. It also puts her on the spot and no matter how she responds, her present feelings are put into in verbal concrete.

Plus in general, I think the faster you jump into a relationship, the faster it will end. So I just dont see any merit in trying to spring a conversation on her that will instantaneously transform you from being "not together" to "together". Going from 0% to 100%. Be gradual, take it from 0% to 20%, then wait to see if she will push it to 30%. Keep that ball going back and forth. (Is anyone following this quantum vollyball metaphor?)


So what to do now? I dont know. She just got out of a commitment, so I would be hesitant to use that word to her. It sounds to me like she already thinks things are going too fast (and I blame that attempted jump to 100%). Don't put any pressure on her. Just keep hanging out with her and showing her how fun you are. Don't be desperate, and definaltly dont act "mad" at her for not wanting to jump in to anything with you. I guess just try to keep yourself as being the first thing she will see as soon as she regains visiblity while dust settles from her last relationship. Oh and try to avoid putting any labels on your relationship with her.

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If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com