Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Girlfriend is too attached to parents. Advice?

The Phenomenon · 09-20-2004, 04:03 AM

Lemme see:

I pretty much agree with analog on this one. Some of the other posters just seem to try to dig up a handy set of excuses for her.

After a year's serious romantic relationship I would not be happy if I was not above her family on the list of priorities. She would be on mine. After a significant amount of time, I am either superimportant and loved, or I dunno wtf is going on. This is not the kind of behaviour you want after you married either.

The way she is acting is BS though, no matter what her excuse is, or cultural reasons or whatever. She IS making a date with you, and then cancelling at the last minute. That is perfectly OK, ONCE IN A WHILE, but when that turns into the rule, and not the exception, you have a problem. No matter what her excuse, it seems to me that a handfull of shit is making its way towards the fan.

Confront her head on. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you are not happy with how things are going now. Tell her that if she makes a date with you, you want her to show up, and not to cancel at the very last moment, unless she has a damn good reason. And daddy buying take out is not a damn good reason, its a shitty stupid reason, especially if it happens often. From the sound of things she is seeing her parents more than she is seeing you, so you must be WAY down on the list of important people for her to still not want to spend time with you.

Tell her that you have no problem with her spending time with her family at all, and that you'd even like to participate (which is pertty damn normal, why on earth can't she spend time with the whole lot of you every once in a while, you know, unless she does not want you around). But if you ask her out, and she says yes for a date and time, she should stick to it unless its an emergency or REALLY REALLY special unexpected occasion. If she can't commit to sticking to the dates she makes with you, should tell you no when you ask her. And if she says no to all the dates you want to take her on, the relationship is over, and then she can marry her dad for all you care. Make sure that she understands that if you don't get to spend time with her pretty soon, and not all of it has to be alone time -- but some alone time is necessary, that you ARE going to break up with her, since it seems like she is not interested in a relationship with you, and clearly does not love you.

At this point where you are at, I'd tell her -- being the all knowing sarcastic all-things-relationshipy expert that I am -- to call me when she wants to spend time with me, and if I do not hear from her, and go on a date with her within 7 days or so, that this relationship is officially over, and that I will try my damndest to bone her best friend from then on.

WIMMIN!

09-20-2004, 04:03 AM	#24 (permalink)
The Phenomenon Psycho Location: I think my horns are coming out	Lemme see: I pretty much agree with analog on this one. Some of the other posters just seem to try to dig up a handy set of excuses for her. After a year's serious romantic relationship I would not be happy if I was not above her family on the list of priorities. She would be on mine. After a significant amount of time, I am either superimportant and loved, or I dunno wtf is going on. This is not the kind of behaviour you want after you married either. The way she is acting is BS though, no matter what her excuse is, or cultural reasons or whatever. She IS making a date with you, and then cancelling at the last minute. That is perfectly OK, ONCE IN A WHILE, but when that turns into the rule, and not the exception, you have a problem. No matter what her excuse, it seems to me that a handfull of shit is making its way towards the fan. Confront her head on. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you are not happy with how things are going now. Tell her that if she makes a date with you, you want her to show up, and not to cancel at the very last moment, unless she has a damn good reason. And daddy buying take out is not a damn good reason, its a shitty stupid reason, especially if it happens often. From the sound of things she is seeing her parents more than she is seeing you, so you must be WAY down on the list of important people for her to still not want to spend time with you. Tell her that you have no problem with her spending time with her family at all, and that you'd even like to participate (which is pertty damn normal, why on earth can't she spend time with the whole lot of you every once in a while, you know, unless she does not want you around). But if you ask her out, and she says yes for a date and time, she should stick to it unless its an emergency or REALLY REALLY special unexpected occasion. If she can't commit to sticking to the dates she makes with you, should tell you no when you ask her. And if she says no to all the dates you want to take her on, the relationship is over, and then she can marry her dad for all you care. Make sure that she understands that if you don't get to spend time with her pretty soon, and not all of it has to be alone time -- but some alone time is necessary, that you ARE going to break up with her, since it seems like she is not interested in a relationship with you, and clearly does not love you. At this point where you are at, I'd tell her -- being the all knowing sarcastic all-things-relationshipy expert that I am -- to call me when she wants to spend time with me, and if I do not hear from her, and go on a date with her within 7 days or so, that this relationship is officially over, and that I will try my damndest to bone her best friend from then on. WIMMIN! Last edited by The Phenomenon; 09-20-2004 at 04:05 AM..