Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

ratbastid · 09-19-2004, 06:15 AM

This'll be interesting. My answers are close-but-not-quite exactly lurkette's...

1) Do you love your spouse?
Absolutely 100% yes.

2) Do you get jealous at all when your spouse has sex with another person?
Yep. That jealousy is outweighed by my desire for her to experience herself and her sexuality fully. But yes, there's usually at least a little jealousy there. Not a lot, in most cases, but some. I've gotten very good at dealing with it.

3) Do you prefer your current situation over a "conventional" marriage?
Yes. In some ways it's harder, but it's also more rewarding and more exciting.

4) Do you think there is someone else out there that you might meet some day that you would prefer to have a "conventional" marriage with?
No. That question implies (and I think it's a common misunderstanding of open relationships) that the openness of the relationship implies less committment and love than is present in a closed relationship. Like, I don't really love my partner all that much and so I can handle having it be an open relationship, but someday I'll meet somebody who I care about enough to keep all to myself. It's not like that at ALL (and, if I didn't know it was coming from a misunderstanding of the whole thing, I might be inclined to get a little offended at the question).

5) Do you intend to be in your current marriage forever? If so, do you intend to keep it open forever?
Yes, and who the hell knows. Our relationship is an ongoing creation. There's NOTHING static about our relationship with each other or with the current object of our extra-marital affections. Quite the opposite--just the minute I think I know how things are, they're different from that. It makes every day an opportunity to learn from and about each other.

6) What does being married bring to you that "just dating" doesn't?
A partner in life. Committment beyond the level of convenience.

7) Are there some people you prefer to have sex with rather than your spouse?
No. lurkette and I have honed our sexual compatibility over the course of the last 13 years, and it's not likely somebody's going to come along who just happens to be better with either of us than the other is. Now, there can be a bit of a "new toy" syndrome. But that's different.

8) Are you always honest with your spouse about who you sleep with?
Yes. This wouldn't work very well if I weren't. We're not only honest about with whom we have sex, we're also honest about when we've had sex. Neither one of us has pre-ordained blanket permission for anything. The other day lurkette called me for permission, which I granted. She'd been with that person before several times before--so it's not like a "who" thing, it's a "this time" thing.

9) Does it make a difference if your spouse doesn't tell you who he/she sleeps with during your marriage?
Were completely honest with each other, but, hypothetically, yes, that would make a difference. If your question really is "Is it possible to cheat in the context of an open relationship," then the answer is, "It is in this one!"

10) Please define what "open marriage" means to you in a personal sense.
Wow. Well, one of the things it means is that (as I said above), marriage is an ongoing creation rather than a set of rules to stick to. It's also an opportunity to grow and deal with the pettiness and jealousness, the baser end of our natures. lurkette and I (and the couple we're playing with) have become vastly stronger human beings out of that opportunity. It means I have three people on this planet with whom I'm as intimate as it's possible for a person to be, rather than just one.

09-19-2004, 06:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	This'll be interesting. My answers are close-but-not-quite exactly lurkette's... <b>1) Do you love your spouse?</b> Absolutely 100% yes. <b>2) Do you get jealous at all when your spouse has sex with another person?</b> Yep. That jealousy is outweighed by my desire for her to experience herself and her sexuality fully. But yes, there's usually at least a little jealousy there. Not a lot, in most cases, but some. I've gotten very good at dealing with it. <b>3) Do you prefer your current situation over a "conventional" marriage?</b> Yes. In some ways it's harder, but it's also more rewarding and more exciting. <b>4) Do you think there is someone else out there that you might meet some day that you would prefer to have a "conventional" marriage with?</b> No. That question implies (and I think it's a common misunderstanding of open relationships) that the openness of the relationship implies less committment and love than is present in a closed relationship. Like, I don't really love my partner all that much and so I can handle having it be an open relationship, but someday I'll meet somebody who I care about enough to keep all to myself. It's not like that at ALL (and, if I didn't know it was coming from a misunderstanding of the whole thing, I might be inclined to get a little offended at the question). <b>5) Do you intend to be in your current marriage forever? If so, do you intend to keep it open forever?</b> Yes, and who the hell knows. Our relationship is an ongoing creation. There's NOTHING static about our relationship with each other or with the current object of our extra-marital affections. Quite the opposite--just the minute I think I know how things are, they're different from that. It makes every day an opportunity to learn from and about each other. <b>6) What does being married bring to you that "just dating" doesn't?</b> A partner in life. Committment beyond the level of convenience. <b>7) Are there some people you prefer to have sex with rather than your spouse?</b> No. lurkette and I have honed our sexual compatibility over the course of the last 13 years, and it's not likely somebody's going to come along who just happens to be better with either of us than the other is. Now, there can be a bit of a "new toy" syndrome. But that's different. <b>8) Are you always honest with your spouse about who you sleep with?</b> Yes. This wouldn't work very well if I weren't. We're not only honest about with whom we have sex, we're also honest about when we've had sex. Neither one of us has pre-ordained blanket permission for anything. The other day lurkette called me for permission, which I granted. She'd been with that person before several times before--so it's not like a "who" thing, it's a "this time" thing. <b>9) Does it make a difference if your spouse doesn't tell you who he/she sleeps with during your marriage?</b> Were completely honest with each other, but, hypothetically, yes, that would make a difference. If your question really is "Is it possible to cheat in the context of an open relationship," then the answer is, "It is in this one!" <B>10) Please define what "open marriage" means to you in a personal sense.</b> Wow. Well, one of the things it means is that (as I said above), marriage is an ongoing creation rather than a set of rules to stick to. It's also an opportunity to grow and deal with the pettiness and jealousness, the baser end of our natures. lurkette and I (and the couple we're playing with) have become vastly stronger human beings out of that opportunity. It means I have three people on this planet with whom I'm as intimate as it's possible for a person to be, rather than just one.