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Originally Posted by CityOfAngels
So if you're in an open marriage, I have some questions for you:
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Ours is not exactly an open marriage, but we are for all intents and purposes non-monogamous. So here goes...
1) Do you love your spouse? Absolutely. Rule #1 is that OUR relationship, our marriage, comes first. We find it fulfilling to express our love for each other by sharing each other and letting each other express love with other people.
2) Do you get jealous at all when your spouse has sex with another person? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. If I'm feeling insecure, yes. Otherwise, no.
3) Do you prefer your current situation over a "conventional" marriage? You bet. It makes our relationship that much more exciting, and it's fun to scope out girls with my husband
Seriously, there's something to be said for defining the boundaries yourselves and not just following convention. It's challenging, but infinitely rewarding.
4) Do you think there is someone else out there that you might meet some day that you would prefer to have a "conventional" marriage with? Do you mean
instead of with ratbastid? No. Do you mean polyamory? Maybe.
5) Do you intend to be in your current marriage forever? If so, do you intend to keep it open forever? We intend to be married till death do us part. As far as whether the marriage is open or not forever, it's really a day-by-day evolution.
6) What does being married bring to you that "just dating" doesn't? Commitment, a promise in front of our community and families to be together and take care of each other, a mutual understanding that we are devoted to each other no matter what.
7) Are there some people you prefer to have sex with rather than your spouse? It's not like that - it's not better than, just different than.
8) Are you always honest with your spouse about who you sleep with? Absofuckinglutely. Raw honesty and constant communication are key to making things work.
9) Does it make a difference if your spouse doesn't tell you who he/she sleeps with during your marriage? To my knowledge that hasn't happened, but it would make a difference. See the answer to #8, above.
10) Please define what "open marriage" means to you in a personal sense. To me, what we have is not necessarily an open marriage where either partner has permanent permission to sleep with anyone. Right now we're focused on one other couple, and we give each other permission on a case-by-case basis to do stuff or not do stuff with these other people. If ratbastid met a woman he was really attracted to, he'd probably either bring her home to share with me, or he'd ask if he could do something with her on their own. I'd say yes or no depending on how comfortable I was at that time. Basically, what our situation means to me is that we've taken the lid off marriage. The core of our commitment to each other is there, but the exclusive nature of monogamy isn't necessary for us to be completely devoted to each other.