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A poem I just wrote, it isnt very good
A line of vodka
Clenchs inside
My chest, I still feel shaky
Since last night
And my elbows feel numb
My black tide
This rusty wave
Corroding me
I always end up
Back where I began
Back to what I was born
Into
The cola tastes bitter
The mix is too strong
The sky is epileptic
I shut it out
And turn off the phone
My black tide
No matter how hard I try
I cannot become
An absolute
I just keep walking
I'm still afraid
I still dont get it
Today I dont want to talk to anyone
Today I do not want my name to be spoken
By anone, they dont understand
Nobody cares, I know in such moments
Of bitter clarity, That there is not
A single person in the whole world
Who loves me. Of course, no one
decreed it had to be this way
I just started wrong, kept down this path
Living a life, but not of the world
Oh so they say, not of this world
Thats what they say, but I dont
Belong anywhere, I just keep telling the space
That one day I pull myself together.
But there is a long way down still
More terror that awaits me
With nothing to abjugate it
But more of this, getting by
A joke, a beer, a line of vodka
That clenchs my chest, a girl
A night, a disappointment, a
Searching, self loathing
An unspectacular dawn, bird stained
and hungry, the sun uncertain
But shining all the same
Then my black tide
The same corrosion
Rusty wave
Back here again
I'm me again
"Oh father, my mouth is full of stars"
Thats a line from a book
I remembered well
Oh father, I'll be there with you
One day, one day, and there
Will be songs and sunlight and flowers
And the world will be beautiful
We'll stand side by side
And I will be weeping
Oh father, what have you done
To me, how could I allow
you to walk by my side
After everything?
I'll buy you a whisky and sour
I'll kick your head in in the alleyway
I'll kiss the sole of your boot
If you lay on your back
And stick your legs in the air
__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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