Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Is my ex-gf a b*tch, or is this normal?

worried_one · 05-09-2003, 09:51 AM

I know this is long...but I have been tearing myself apart over this and I just want to know that it is OK to really feel hurt and not want anything to do with her. If you can read it and give me feedback I would be DEEPLY grateful.

Unable to cope with a job she was unhappy with, my ex-gf (through a suggestion by me, one I regret) temporarily relocated 600 miles to live with me, get a decent job, and get on top of her debts. The problem is, she left her 5 year old son (now 6) at home to live with the father (she was never married, he asked, she said no although they remain friendly). Living with me, she remained depressed although she was making slow progress paying off her bills. She does call her son every night and visits him every 3 weeks. We lived together, I paid about 60% of our expenses, brought her and her son into my family, had my mom watch her son whenever he visited.

She begins to sense that I am starting to doubt our compatibility due to her constant depression and unwillingness to do anything other than sit at home on weekend nights and watch movies. She's 22, I'm 29. I like to go out and I know she used to like to go out. We talk, lay out plans to spend less time together and become more independent in hopes of reigniting the relationship.

About a week later she doesn't come home from work despite the fact we had specific plans to eat dinner since I wouldn't be able to see her for the next 3 days. She gets off at 6, didn't come home until 3am and did not call me to let me know what was going on (you can imagine how panicked I was something had happened to her). She apparently was out drinking with a few male friends from work.

She apologizes, but continues to go out 1-2 times a week with these same guys, at least letting me know in advance she is going out. I start to suspect she is interested in one of the guys, she denies it, even swearing on her own son's life that she loves me and doesn't like any other guy.

Next week she announces she is moving out and getting her own apartment. She wants to break up and see if we can work out a relationship without living together. Friends for now, probably getting back together in the near future. I get very depressed and cry openly, begging her to rethink this plan. After thinking calmly, I plan on winning her back. She asks for my help in moving to the new apartment, even asking me to use my credit card to help buy her a new TV. I agree, provided she pays me back. She still hugs me and we even kiss (not open mouth) every once in a while.

Two days later, worried about the escalating frequency of her nights out on the town, I ask her if she really doesn't like this guy she hangs out with. This time she confirms that she is interested in the guy. She said she was sorry, but she and I fought too much and were far too different whereas this fellow was more like her.

I'm crushed, unable to continue working that day, and go home.

Now she wants to be friends. She has moved out, sleeping on this guy's couch, has her stuff still in my apartment in boxes in a corner. She doesn't feel comfortable living with me (we have seperate bedrooms) any longer so I had to pay the entire rent myself this month so she could use her portion of the rent for the security deposit on the new apartment.

Suicidal for short periods of time, I finally pulled out of my depression long enough to realize I made a huge mistake suggesting she move here to get her life back in gear in order to be a better mother for her son. It has been 9 months since she moved, she indicates she is moving back to her home town in 3 more months. I begged her to move home to be with her son, he needs her. I told her I would even help financially since I felt guilty for helping her to move away from him in the first place. She became furious with me and told me that she was going home soon (3 months is soon?), but she had to stay with her job here to pay off her debts and get back on her feet. She repeated that she could not find a good job at home, and made enough here to make headway on her bills. Her argument is that if she goes home now she will be miserable, and therefore a bad parent. My argument was that she had to think about him first and she had to rise above the occasion and tough it out at home for a few months until she found a job that paid her well enough to live on her own. She insists she has to stay here to get into a better financial situation. I don't know how getting a new apartment (even if there is no lease), buying all the stuff for it (she owns nothing but kitchenware, clothing, and a coffee table), will negate any benefit of staying here 3 months to pay bills. I'm seriously doubting she will even go home in 3 months, at this point.

She gets into arguments with people all the time. Everybody in my family, who gave her many, many chances, essentially thinks she is no good for leaving her son and just don't really like her (she comes off cold to most people). When she is with her son she is a good mother to him, the problem is she is never around him.

I don't think I want to have a life or have kids with a woman like this. I just want the pain to stop...I still care about her, and it hurts me to type these things about her...but this is the sober truth. Does she sound no good to you?

05-09-2003, 09:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
worried_one Upright	*Is my ex-gf a btch, or is this normal?** I know this is long...but I have been tearing myself apart over this and I just want to know that it is OK to really feel hurt and not want anything to do with her. If you can read it and give me feedback I would be DEEPLY grateful. Unable to cope with a job she was unhappy with, my ex-gf (through a suggestion by me, one I regret) temporarily relocated 600 miles to live with me, get a decent job, and get on top of her debts. The problem is, she left her 5 year old son (now 6) at home to live with the father (she was never married, he asked, she said no although they remain friendly). Living with me, she remained depressed although she was making slow progress paying off her bills. She does call her son every night and visits him every 3 weeks. We lived together, I paid about 60% of our expenses, brought her and her son into my family, had my mom watch her son whenever he visited. She begins to sense that I am starting to doubt our compatibility due to her constant depression and unwillingness to do anything other than sit at home on weekend nights and watch movies. She's 22, I'm 29. I like to go out and I know she used to like to go out. We talk, lay out plans to spend less time together and become more independent in hopes of reigniting the relationship. About a week later she doesn't come home from work despite the fact we had specific plans to eat dinner since I wouldn't be able to see her for the next 3 days. She gets off at 6, didn't come home until 3am and did not call me to let me know what was going on (you can imagine how panicked I was something had happened to her). She apparently was out drinking with a few male friends from work. She apologizes, but continues to go out 1-2 times a week with these same guys, at least letting me know in advance she is going out. I start to suspect she is interested in one of the guys, she denies it, even swearing on her own son's life that she loves me and doesn't like any other guy. Next week she announces she is moving out and getting her own apartment. She wants to break up and see if we can work out a relationship without living together. Friends for now, probably getting back together in the near future. I get very depressed and cry openly, begging her to rethink this plan. After thinking calmly, I plan on winning her back. She asks for my help in moving to the new apartment, even asking me to use my credit card to help buy her a new TV. I agree, provided she pays me back. She still hugs me and we even kiss (not open mouth) every once in a while. Two days later, worried about the escalating frequency of her nights out on the town, I ask her if she really doesn't like this guy she hangs out with. This time she confirms that she is interested in the guy. She said she was sorry, but she and I fought too much and were far too different whereas this fellow was more like her. I'm crushed, unable to continue working that day, and go home. Now she wants to be friends. She has moved out, sleeping on this guy's couch, has her stuff still in my apartment in boxes in a corner. She doesn't feel comfortable living with me (we have seperate bedrooms) any longer so I had to pay the entire rent myself this month so she could use her portion of the rent for the security deposit on the new apartment. Suicidal for short periods of time, I finally pulled out of my depression long enough to realize I made a huge mistake suggesting she move here to get her life back in gear in order to be a better mother for her son. It has been 9 months since she moved, she indicates she is moving back to her home town in 3 more months. I begged her to move home to be with her son, he needs her. I told her I would even help financially since I felt guilty for helping her to move away from him in the first place. She became furious with me and told me that she was going home soon (3 months is soon?), but she had to stay with her job here to pay off her debts and get back on her feet. She repeated that she could not find a good job at home, and made enough here to make headway on her bills. Her argument is that if she goes home now she will be miserable, and therefore a bad parent. My argument was that she had to think about him first and she had to rise above the occasion and tough it out at home for a few months until she found a job that paid her well enough to live on her own. She insists she has to stay here to get into a better financial situation. I don't know how getting a new apartment (even if there is no lease), buying all the stuff for it (she owns nothing but kitchenware, clothing, and a coffee table), will negate any benefit of staying here 3 months to pay bills. I'm seriously doubting she will even go home in 3 months, at this point. She gets into arguments with people all the time. Everybody in my family, who gave her many, many chances, essentially thinks she is no good for leaving her son and just don't really like her (she comes off cold to most people). When she is with her son she is a good mother to him, the problem is she is never around him. I don't think I want to have a life or have kids with a woman like this. I just want the pain to stop...I still care about her, and it hurts me to type these things about her...but this is the sober truth. Does she sound no good to you?