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One thing I've learned that seems to be a key for me is PATIENCE. Especially for hubby. The less patient either one of you are the more tense you will be and the more unpleasant it can feel. If you are completely relaxed and patient to play with each other it can feel good.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma. 
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