shleynrd

I've been reading on this forum for awhile, but I've never posted before. So here goes:

I go to college out of state from where I grew up. This past semester I met this great guy. We were flirting a lot...a lot. We made a bunch of sexual jokes and I was having a great time with it.

I came home for the summer. He called me a bunch and we started talking more. I learned that he's kinda enjoying being single and not looking for anything serious, but I explained to him that I am actually feeling ready to date. It wasn't like a big serious gut spill or anything. It just kinda came up in conversation. Through all of our talking we've gotten pretty close. He gave me the link to his online journal, which no one knows about, so I feel like he trusts me. And he confided in me when one of his best friends passed away.

I really liked where things went. We're friends and I felt like I could like that better than being in a relationship with him. Until, it sounds stupid, but I had a sexual dream about him and that dragged up all those previous feelings of attraction.

He called me one morning about two weeks ago to tell me that he thinks I'm amazing and that I put every other girl he meets to shame. He said he could see marrying me but not dating me. It was all very sweet and I really apprecaited him saying it, but it's kinda confusing too.

He drove into town earlier this week to get away for a few days and to visit me and several other friends. He stayed the first night with me. We had fun. We got some dinner and we drove around and we got a little flirty. He brought the whole marraige but not dating thing up again and also said that he wouldn't want to be my first (I'm a virgin) because he's "kind of an asshole." What the hell does that mean? Anyway so later that night at my house I was giving him a backrub (at his request) and we got a little cuddly. And then he kissed me. It was a really sweet moment, and I was totally shaking. But things stopped before it got weird. I'm just confused because I feel like his words and his actions contradict.

Anyway, so I've barely talked to him since that night and not at all about the kissing. Granted he was still visiting people and stuff, and he's getting ready to move into a new apartment. I have a lot of very complex feelings for him. I've never really felt this way about a guy before, as stupid as that sounds. I would love to be in a relationship with him, but I also would hate to lose him as a friend.

I'm debating whether or not to bring up the kissing incident and tell him how I feel. I don't want to come across as desperate or needy or anything. And I want him to be happy whatever the outcome is. So how do I bring it up in a way that I can open up the way for a relationship but that also leaves things so we can keep the friendship?