lurkette

I'm wondering what people's opinions and experiences are on this issue. When ratbastid and I got married, I didn't really want to keep my maiden name (Updike, ugh) but at the same time, I didn't really want to change it, either. I saw it as giving up some piece of my former identity just because I was a woman getting married and it was traditional, while ratbastid got to keep his. But we both wanted to have the same last name, as sort of a shared identity because we're married now. So we made a deal: I'd give up something (my maiden name), and he'd give up something (smoking). It took him 5 years, but he did quit. And now I don't have to live with "Updike" as a last name. Or some hyphenate, which bothers me just because it's clunky.

I have other friends who have handled it by ditching both last names and changing it to something else entirely (like some grandmother's maiden name that sounded cool); I know people who have both kept their unmarried names; I know women who have kept both last names as their "professional" name, but who go socially by their husband's last name only. Seems like people come up with all kinds of solutions. I also know plenty of people who have just gone the traditional route, and had the woman change her name to her husband's.

So what's you're opinion? If you're married, what were the considerations that went into whether to keep or change names? If you're not, what are your thoughts about how you might eventually handle this?

(I'm posting it in this forum because I think issues of gender-based traditions ought to be consciously examined. We take far too much for granted, I think, even post-feminism.)

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