Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - How the hell am I going to do this? (relationship advice)

TM875 · 07-28-2004, 06:49 PM

What I don't understand is your total disregard for having fun and enjoying life. Now, you're worried about wasting a "for sure" thing. It's highly doubtful that it'll be a for sure thing. Trust me, it's incredibly likely that, even if you're happy with the relationship, your girlfriend will one day get bored, or find someone else, or just do something that will hurt you, and very possibly will end the relationship. Living like a monk for four years, regretting all the possible good times you could have had - just over some girl - does not seem like a positive way to live your life. Now, I'm not saying that you two have to break up, I just think that you need to be a little more realistic about all of this.

When I graduated high school, I had been dating a girl for nearly the entire 4 years. I absolutely loved her, and felt that I had never had someone so important in my life. Then she went on a trip abroad. Came back, and said that she was now with one of the boys that she went on the trip with. 'Um, okay...could you have prepared me a little better for this?' Anyway, a few weeks later I called a good friend of mine, just in order to have someone to hang out with. She was a year younger than me, and after our first date, I absolutely fell for her. However, we were still cognicent of the fact that I was leaving in a month (and one of those weeks she was on vacation). This didn't diminish the fun times we had together - or the connection that we made - but we both accepted that something couldn't really form here. She's still in my life, even after all these years (first girl: well, she still calls, but I don't care), but I went off to school with a clear, open, and very happy heart. Life was wonderful, especially my first year.

What I'm trying to say is that you have backed yourself into a corner. I've lived a life that was full of many different women, and many different relationships, and I'll tell you - happiness is almost always attainable, regardless of who you're with. If you truly enjoy where you are, then it doesn't matter who the girl is. You should live your life for you, not for her. Don't lock yourself into something that seems "for sure" just because it's there. You're sectioning yourself off from thousands of other, more wonderous experiences in the world. Trust me - if you go through college with giving your all to this girl - without experiencing others in life - then the day that she finally leaves you will be devastating. Even if she stays with you, you will always wonder 'what if...'. You can convince yourself otherwise, but human nature being what it is, those questions will be there.

Put your relationship on hold, and see what the first year is like. Don't hold back just becase of her.

07-28-2004, 06:49 PM	#16 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	What I don't understand is your total disregard for having fun and enjoying life. Now, you're worried about wasting a "for sure" thing. It's highly doubtful that it'll be a for sure thing. Trust me, it's incredibly likely that, even if you're happy with the relationship, your girlfriend will one day get bored, or find someone else, or just do something that will hurt you, and very possibly will end the relationship. Living like a monk for four years, regretting all the possible good times you could have had - just over some girl - does not seem like a positive way to live your life. Now, I'm not saying that you two have to break up, I just think that you need to be a little more realistic about all of this. When I graduated high school, I had been dating a girl for nearly the entire 4 years. I absolutely loved her, and felt that I had never had someone so important in my life. Then she went on a trip abroad. Came back, and said that she was now with one of the boys that she went on the trip with. 'Um, okay...could you have prepared me a little better for this?' Anyway, a few weeks later I called a good friend of mine, just in order to have someone to hang out with. She was a year younger than me, and after our first date, I absolutely fell for her. However, we were still cognicent of the fact that I was leaving in a month (and one of those weeks she was on vacation). This didn't diminish the fun times we had together - or the connection that we made - but we both accepted that something couldn't really form here. She's still in my life, even after all these years (first girl: well, she still calls, but I don't care), but I went off to school with a clear, open, and very happy heart. Life was wonderful, especially my first year. What I'm trying to say is that you have backed yourself into a corner. I've lived a life that was full of many different women, and many different relationships, and I'll tell you - happiness is almost always attainable, regardless of who you're with. If you truly enjoy where you are, then it doesn't matter who the girl is. You should live your life for you, not for her. Don't lock yourself into something that seems "for sure" just because it's there. You're sectioning yourself off from thousands of other, more wonderous experiences in the world. Trust me - if you go through college with giving your all to this girl - without experiencing others in life - then the day that she finally leaves you will be devastating. Even if she stays with you, you will always wonder 'what if...'. You can convince yourself otherwise, but human nature being what it is, those questions will be there. Put your relationship on hold, and see what the first year is like. Don't hold back just becase of her. __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."