anti fishstick

i've always wondered if i have some sort of social anxiety. i know they have pills but i don't like that. so i'm getting no treatment.. just my own push and shove into things i want to try that i might be nervous about. recently, i called my career services to ask for information on how to get an intership and they were really helpful. that was a big step for me because i've put it off for two terms now over how intimidating it all seemed! i don't do good in big social situations or in-class discussions. talking in front of the class is ok for me (even though i prefer to be one of the last ones.. but never the *last* one) because i'm more prepared about it and rehearsed what to say.. but in-class discussions are intimidating because i feel as if i can't articulate myself and am afraid of sounding stupid. this "stupid" block gets me all the time and stops me (or slows me down) from doing things like internships, building up a network of helpful contacts, or even putting my portfolio site online! i think i was told to shut up one too many times in my childhood ;P but i'm paying for it because i can be a pretty insecure, shy little thing. >_< i hate it.. and i used to hate myself because of it. but at least i'm past that.. i don't see it as debilatating as it used to be. i had it *much* worse in middle school and highschool.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin