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grebote · 07-15-2004, 09:54 AM

I've been seeing a girl now for 3 years, and I love her so much. We have really good times together, and just recently we had our 3rd year anniversary since we started dating. I feel connection to her like I've never felt with anyone else, and I know she feels the same way...but like any relationship we have our share of problems.

I think the root of the problem is that she hates herself. She hates how she looks, she thinks she is too fat (only about 135-140 for 5'8"), she thinks she has this ugly pug face, and no matter how many times I tell her I think she's beautiful it doesn't change a thing. She does not believe me.

She doesn't want to go back to college in the fall. Just recently she was suspended from a great school where she was a great student, one of the best there, for copying a paper off the net. I don't think she did it, and I believe her when she says she sold it to the company, as she had been very short on cash and was looking for easy money. Anyway, she got into another school, and is doing great there, straight A's, but it is not the place that she wants to be.

She hates her job, she works at a dump, and I'll leave it at that.

She wants to move on in life, move out of her parent's house, get her own apartment(with me) but right now this is just not feasible. We don't have the money right now, and besides, we go to school in two different states.

Basically she gets into these self-loathing moods every few months were she becomes distant, nothing can ever go right, everything is twisted in a negative way in her mind. Nothing I say matters, if I say nothing, it means that I don't care. Which I do, it tears me up to see her like this, in this much psychological pain. It is hard to love somebody who loathes herself this much. Just today she told me that she wants to cut herself, or drive off the road into a tree, the only thing stopping her is the problem it would cause her family. She cares about other people so much, yet does not give a shit about herself. Just a sidenote: she is seeing a psychologist bi-weekly but I fear he is doing nothing for her.

So this is my dilemma, and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this, or if anyone has any advice to give...I am at a loss here...

07-15-2004, 09:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
grebote Upright	Loving someone who doesn't love herself I've been seeing a girl now for 3 years, and I love her so much. We have really good times together, and just recently we had our 3rd year anniversary since we started dating. I feel connection to her like I've never felt with anyone else, and I know she feels the same way...but like any relationship we have our share of problems. I think the root of the problem is that she hates herself. She hates how she looks, she thinks she is too fat (only about 135-140 for 5'8"), she thinks she has this ugly pug face, and no matter how many times I tell her I think she's beautiful it doesn't change a thing. She does not believe me. She doesn't want to go back to college in the fall. Just recently she was suspended from a great school where she was a great student, one of the best there, for copying a paper off the net. I don't think she did it, and I believe her when she says she sold it to the company, as she had been very short on cash and was looking for easy money. Anyway, she got into another school, and is doing great there, straight A's, but it is not the place that she wants to be. She hates her job, she works at a dump, and I'll leave it at that. She wants to move on in life, move out of her parent's house, get her own apartment(with me) but right now this is just not feasible. We don't have the money right now, and besides, we go to school in two different states. Basically she gets into these self-loathing moods every few months were she becomes distant, nothing can ever go right, everything is twisted in a negative way in her mind. Nothing I say matters, if I say nothing, it means that I don't care. Which I do, it tears me up to see her like this, in this much psychological pain. It is hard to love somebody who loathes herself this much. Just today she told me that she wants to cut herself, or drive off the road into a tree, the only thing stopping her is the problem it would cause her family. She cares about other people so much, yet does not give a shit about herself. Just a sidenote: she is seeing a psychologist bi-weekly but I fear he is doing nothing for her. So this is my dilemma, and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this, or if anyone has any advice to give...I am at a loss here...