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Jam, sounds like it to me that you aren't living, you're just existing!
My advice is for you to take a hard look around and try to figure out exactly what the hell is going on, and more importantly, how the hell you're going to fix it!
Whose rules are you living by?
Whose dreams are you trying to fulfill?
Who are you trying to make happy?
You gotta get these answers, man.
Listen: You get one go around. Just one. Don't live anybody else's dream. Don't waste you time trying to live up to other's expectations. Every pioneer in every field chose to go against conventional wisdom and well-meant mentoring.
So choose, follow the herd, be safe, don't piss anyone off.
or
Pick your dreams, keep your own counsel, and spend the rest of your life trying to make your life into what you want it to be.
Good Luck!
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The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury 
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