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First off, try a hot bath or shower - this relaxes the muscles. Never done it but a warm enema also helps. Then, general stimulation, and gradual loosening of her ass - tongues, fingers, lots of lube. Have her push against you as you enter and try different positions.
Having said all that, some women are really too small to acomodate some sized dicks and you shouldn't force it.
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Si vis pacem parabellum.
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