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Top 5 reasons why you wont be participating in the olympics
1. You can't even climb out of the pool without Greenpeace guys showing up to push you back in.
2. You have as much chance of passing the drug test as Snoop Dogg after a weekend at Tommy Chong's.
3. USOC officials were actually going along with your "compete in the nude to honor the ancient Greeks" idea until that ugly baton-passing incident.
4. Sure, you excel at the shot put, but only the shot-put-in-front-of-you-by-the-bartender.
5. Apparently, some crusading puritan bastard slipped crystal meth onto the list of banned substances.
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