Quote:
Originally posted by ruggerp11
I would ask though, to those who can't see change. Did your experiences really create such an apathetic look upon society that you cannot accept that humans mistake and at the same time change?
People can change, we have seen it happen. This fact is compunded if/when the cheater really feels the weight of his/her actions through the actions of the poeple around them. If the consequences are severe enough they can only help a person see the change needed in their lives.
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How can you determine if someone really is going to change?
How can you put your trust in someone who shown you that they're willing to violate your trust?
The potential to change doesn't always (or usually, in my experience) translate into change. I haven't heard much of a reason in these threads for someone to have a renewal of faith in someone who's cheated on them.
Why should those has been cheated on take the responsibility to show cheaters "the light" about the evils of their ways and work to help them? How do you measure the upside of that and the necessity to protect one's self from emotional harm?
How does apathy have anything to do with this? You make it sound as if it is easy for people to dump cheaters, when that is almost always not the case even for repeat offenders. It is so hard to walk away, and it gets harder as time passes.
Sure people change, and they should change, but many don't. The truth is that by accepting a cheater back in your life you are, in essense, enabling the cheater to continue to cheat. The message is - it is ok, in the end it all works out. I don't know what kind of real consequences you could give to cheaters that says "this is wrong, I won't allow you to hurt me like this" while at the same time keeping them close-at-hand.
I have found that it is much easier to forgive someone after I have let go of them and removed all sense of responsibility of them from my life. It isn't exactly the most romantic approach, but it is a realistic measure.
Cheating creates a major ethical and moral issue for the person who has been cheated on. And these decisions and questions that arise are very unfair, perhaps, in fact, the most unfair part of being cheated on.
[edit: damnit, this was supposed to be wilbjammin again]