Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I am getting tired of this being said over and over again...

Kazic · 06-19-2004, 06:16 PM

reading this thread made me relive all the things I have been dealing with for the past few months.

cheating is anything that involves getting anything outside of the relationship that is not warranted. ie Sex/emotions/any type of intimacy.

I am living through a hell I couldn't even imagine or wish upon my worst enemy before this started.

I cheated on someone I truely cared about with a girl I beleived was my true love. ( I understand most will not think of this as a possibility.)

I wake up thinking of how I hurt someone I truely had a great relationship with. I think through the day how I hurt so many people around me and her. I hold all the guilt and anger that she would have in me. While carrying my own guilt and pain, for what I have done.

Ontop of this after the break up I was with the girl I cheated with. I wanted it to be something. I wanted so much for this not to be a cheating for nothing situation.
I wanted her to understand that I am not the type who would say all the things I said for nothing. I do not feel she was a "mistake" or "the other woman"
I am now filled with hurt for she has now left me. The pain of that doubles with every day as I can't seem to put anthing in order to understand. I can't seem to think straight.

Once a cheater always a cheater?
After living in this hell for awhile I can say if I ever get out of it I don't ever want to return to it. Nothing is worth this torrment. I fight a depression as I hold all the hurt for me and them in me. I hold all the pain and guilt of the whole situation.

You want to judge me fine. I can tell you though you can say nothing more to me than I think I deserve. I deserve all the pain and hurt. I derserve all the feelings I am feeling. I want to get out this hell but not before I cut myself deep with this to ensure that I and no one around me ever has to deal with this side of me.

I swear to myself because I am the one who has to be here in my soul all my own days. That I will NEVER want to come back to this. IF I can ever get out.

06-19-2004, 06:16 PM	#50 (permalink)
Kazic Psycho Location: Fortress of Solitude	reading this thread made me relive all the things I have been dealing with for the past few months. cheating is anything that involves getting anything outside of the relationship that is not warranted. ie Sex/emotions/any type of intimacy. I am living through a hell I couldn't even imagine or wish upon my worst enemy before this started. I cheated on someone I truely cared about with a girl I beleived was my true love. ( I understand most will not think of this as a possibility.) I wake up thinking of how I hurt someone I truely had a great relationship with. I think through the day how I hurt so many people around me and her. I hold all the guilt and anger that she would have in me. While carrying my own guilt and pain, for what I have done. Ontop of this after the break up I was with the girl I cheated with. I wanted it to be something. I wanted so much for this not to be a cheating for nothing situation. I wanted her to understand that I am not the type who would say all the things I said for nothing. I do not feel she was a "mistake" or "the other woman" I am now filled with hurt for she has now left me. The pain of that doubles with every day as I can't seem to put anthing in order to understand. I can't seem to think straight. Once a cheater always a cheater? After living in this hell for awhile I can say if I ever get out of it I don't ever want to return to it. Nothing is worth this torrment. I fight a depression as I hold all the hurt for me and them in me. I hold all the pain and guilt of the whole situation. You want to judge me fine. I can tell you though you can say nothing more to me than I think I deserve. I deserve all the pain and hurt. I derserve all the feelings I am feeling. I want to get out this hell but not before I cut myself deep with this to ensure that I and no one around me ever has to deal with this side of me. I swear to myself because I am the one who has to be here in my soul all my own days. That I will NEVER want to come back to this. IF I can ever get out. __________________ "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989 Last edited by Kazic; 06-19-2004 at 06:19 PM..