Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I am getting tired of this being said over and over again...

Rand007 · 06-18-2004, 06:42 AM

What is the definition of 'cheating'. Is it just defined as having sex with someone other than your SO with out your SO's permission? Or is it more than sex that could be considered cheating? I think it is. I think 'cheating' comes in many forms in our relationships. When a person is 'cheated' on sexually, it is a breaking of some kind of intimacy bond and expectation that the person cheated on had for that relationship. If a couple was in a relationship where it was made clear that they could have sex outside the relationship then it would not be 'cheating' to do so. We all have expectations and needs in relationships and so often our SO's, intentionally or not, hurt us by breaking those expectionations and not fulfilling those needs. If our SO knows that we have a need or an expectation in a relationship and continues not to fulfill that if he/she is capable of doing so, isn't that 'cheating'? And if your SO knows that they are not fulfilling something you need when he/she is able, wouldn't the loving thing to do be to allow you to fulfill that need somewhere else?

Take Nitrox's case for example. He had a need (like we all do) for sexual intimacy. Sounds like his SO knew this as he told her over and over again and yet she continued to deny him this need in his life. Wouldn't you say that she was 'cheating' on him with her mom because she was taking away the intimacy and bond of thier relationship in place of time with her mom? Wasn't it unloving of her to know that he had this need, which she could fulfill, but refused to fulfill, and yet continue to deny him some other way to fulfill it? And honestly, how did she have any right to demand he keep that part of thier relationship between just them, when she had proven for 4 years she didn't want that part of thier relationship?

I don't say any of that to justify sexual cheating, but we should make clear that we can cheat our SO's in so many other ways that are just as hurtful, but are not defined as 'cheating'. Along the same lines as what Pigglet said, a relationship is two sided and in all likely hood both sides are responsible for breaking it to the point where one sexually cheats. There is no justification for hurting each other, however it may be. All we have is mercy and forgiveness. And we should all take a look at ourselves with humility and realize we need as much mercy and forgiveness as anyone else.

06-18-2004, 06:42 AM	#48 (permalink)
Rand007 Upright Location: Oklahoma City	What is the definition of 'cheating'. Is it just defined as having sex with someone other than your SO with out your SO's permission? Or is it more than sex that could be considered cheating? I think it is. I think 'cheating' comes in many forms in our relationships. When a person is 'cheated' on sexually, it is a breaking of some kind of intimacy bond and expectation that the person cheated on had for that relationship. If a couple was in a relationship where it was made clear that they could have sex outside the relationship then it would not be 'cheating' to do so. We all have expectations and needs in relationships and so often our SO's, intentionally or not, hurt us by breaking those expectionations and not fulfilling those needs. If our SO knows that we have a need or an expectation in a relationship and continues not to fulfill that if he/she is capable of doing so, isn't that 'cheating'? And if your SO knows that they are not fulfilling something you need when he/she is able, wouldn't the loving thing to do be to allow you to fulfill that need somewhere else? Take Nitrox's case for example. He had a need (like we all do) for sexual intimacy. Sounds like his SO knew this as he told her over and over again and yet she continued to deny him this need in his life. Wouldn't you say that she was 'cheating' on him with her mom because she was taking away the intimacy and bond of thier relationship in place of time with her mom? Wasn't it unloving of her to know that he had this need, which she could fulfill, but refused to fulfill, and yet continue to deny him some other way to fulfill it? And honestly, how did she have any right to demand he keep that part of thier relationship between just them, when she had proven for 4 years she didn't want that part of thier relationship? I don't say any of that to justify sexual cheating, but we should make clear that we can cheat our SO's in so many other ways that are just as hurtful, but are not defined as 'cheating'. Along the same lines as what Pigglet said, a relationship is two sided and in all likely hood both sides are responsible for breaking it to the point where one sexually cheats. There is no justification for hurting each other, however it may be. All we have is mercy and forgiveness. And we should all take a look at ourselves with humility and realize we need as much mercy and forgiveness as anyone else. __________________ Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity. -Unknown