Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Peryn · 06-14-2004, 10:58 AM

I think the assumption that children should be allowed to discuss the rules is flawed. Discussion of the rules often very quickly leads to debate about the rules. Children then begin to see this as a right they have - to debate with their parents. This 'right' begins to permeate throughout the childs life. Dad asks kid to do dishes. The child then feels they have the right to debate the merits of the chore. An argument ensues. Either the dishes dont get done, and the child can succesfully spoil themselves by arguing with teh parents, or the child does the dishes because her father told her to.

I think "because i said so" is also an important life lesson. It teaches respect for authority, trust, and faith. A child ( and i use that term intentionally. As has been shown time and time again, many 18 yr olds are still children) needs to understand that their are time when they must suck it up, and do what they are told simply because the authority told them to. Obey first, ask questions and understand later. It also teaches the children to have some degree of trust and faith in their parents that they are making the correct decisions. Often times in life, and more often as a child, you simply will not understand the why of things as they happen. you simply have to have faith in those with more experience than you.

i would also contend that it is not the parent's job to explain the basis for their decisions, but rather the childs job to figure them out. Rather than attacking them with why you cant do something, stop for a minute and try and think about why they might not want you to. Its not always all about you. Again, the parent needs to be seen as a figure to be obeyed first and foremost.

All of your points seem, to me, to be based around the idea of discussion, then obedience. I dont think this is healthy for the relationship, or for the well being of either party involved. i think that if obedience comes first and foremost, and healthy discussion AFTER would be, in most cases, acceptable.

06-14-2004, 10:58 AM	#39 (permalink)
Peryn Junkie Location: San Diego, CA.	I think the assumption that children should be allowed to discuss the rules is flawed. Discussion of the rules often very quickly leads to debate about the rules. Children then begin to see this as a right they have - to debate with their parents. This 'right' begins to permeate throughout the childs life. Dad asks kid to do dishes. The child then feels they have the right to debate the merits of the chore. An argument ensues. Either the dishes dont get done, and the child can succesfully spoil themselves by arguing with teh parents, or the child does the dishes because her father told her to. I think "because i said so" is also an important life lesson. It teaches respect for authority, trust, and faith. A child ( and i use that term intentionally. As has been shown time and time again, many 18 yr olds are still children) needs to understand that their are time when they must suck it up, and do what they are told simply because the authority told them to. Obey first, ask questions and understand later. It also teaches the children to have some degree of trust and faith in their parents that they are making the correct decisions. Often times in life, and more often as a child, you simply will not understand the why of things as they happen. you simply have to have faith in those with more experience than you. i would also contend that it is not the parent's job to explain the basis for their decisions, but rather the childs job to figure them out. Rather than attacking them with why you cant do something, stop for a minute and try and think about why they might not want you to. Its not always all about you. Again, the parent needs to be seen as a figure to be obeyed first and foremost. All of your points seem, to me, to be based around the idea of discussion, then obedience. I dont think this is healthy for the relationship, or for the well being of either party involved. i think that if obedience comes first and foremost, and healthy discussion AFTER would be, in most cases, acceptable. __________________ Dont cry kid, It's not your fault you suck.