|
The second that I stopped caring, stopped wanting for anything, was the second that I got more than I could have ever wanted.
My original thought when reading this was my general feelings of alienation towards almost all people, and how if I were to write a post similar to this it would have been in a different category.
We are brainwashed to think that love is all there is in life that gives it meaning. And then we find when we start to fall in love just how empty it can be. It is easy to find the emptiness in ourselves, society, relationships and to try to fill those gaps with rationalizations, defeatism, escapism, etc...
You said that you fall in love easily - that tells me that you're really reaching inside. But instead of reaching, start by grounding yourself. Get a handle on what really matters, embrace it, and once you have something of your own you will bring something to a relationship other than baggage and neediness.
I had my insecurity issues in high school leading into the beginning of college (anyone can be insecure for any reason... in fact, nothing has to be wrong). I started feeling better once I really started defining my values for myself. For me, focusing on creativity, music, art, writing, and the world around me helped give me perspective and make my life intimately my own. After that, desperation no longer haunted me at all. I didn't feel the weight of loneliness; solitude became comforting.
For change to happen, the only thing you can do is change yourself. You claim that everything is unchangeable may be the biggest hindrance to this. Nothing will happen overnight, and that maybe the hardest part of this kind of internal battle. There is not one way to approach this, but maybe this will be some help.
__________________
Innominate.
|