Hey everyone, I've only posted a few times but the advice on this forum is incredible. My girlfriend and I read it all the time and think it's really great. Pay no attention to my username, it doesn't exactly reflect who I am anymore
. I figured I would post this just to get some opinions or maybe hear some similar experiences.
I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 1/2 months. I love her more than anything. We get along so well, we laugh at the same things, we're always thinking the same, she is absolutely beautiful. She's the perfect girl for me. There's just one problem - her ex boyfriend.
They were still doing stuff, not exactly going out, but still having sex when her and I started to have feelings for each other. They broke things off (or I thought they did anyway) and things continued between her and I. It was really quite the sketched out scene at this point. After they broke things off he saw her a few times and I thought it was just to talk but I found out later they had sex. And that's not the biggest deal because it wasn't like her and I had a commitment then, we were fooling around but I had really strong feelings for her even that early. Anyway, what bugged was she wasn't honest about it to me until I bascially found out about it myself. They stopped doing anything at that point and her and I moved into a relationship over the course of a few months - now we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We live together now and things are great between us.
BUT here's my problem - for the past three months he has emailed her just about everyday. He says things like "Want to hang out? (or make out?)" to her. She emails him back and is nice to him which is fine but she doesn't tell him that she doesn't want to have sex with him. He's called her and asked if he could come over and 'hang out'. When she told him no, but they could go grab a coffee and talk he more or less flipped out and sent her a super nasty email. He called her stupid, he told her she was basically a slut, he called me a weezly fag - and none of this is true. He constantly bad mouths me to her. It's all just another way for him to get under her skin and try to make our relationship as hard as possible. She's still nice to him in her emails to him even through all of this.
I know she feels really bad for him about what happened. I feel for him too, less now than before but I still do. But he is the only problem with our relationship. We could be having the perfect night and the subject of him would come up and get us both is terrible moods. It's absolutely killing me. I have no idea what to do. I want to tell him to just butt out, I want her to tell him she doesn't have intentions to do anything with him... but I know how bad she feels for him and I can't see it happening. I feel like I'm stuck in this never ending battle between the 3 of us. I trust in her that she's not going to do anything with him, it's just that this is a constant stress and pressure in our relationship and it's making this much more difficult than it should be. It's not remotely healthy for our relationship for him to still be in the picture like this. WTF do I do
Wow, I probably could have condensed this so thank you so so much if you made it through the whole thing. Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!