yournamehere

If wine were Christmas gifts, white zin would be chia pets.
If wine were TV shows, white zin would be Jerry Springer.
If wine were porn, white zin would be Girls Gone Wild.
If wine were music, white zin would be boy bands.
If wine were rental cars, white zin would be "Not exactly."
If wine were Presidents, white zin would be George W. Bush (Forget that one - it works better for MD 20-20)
If wine were SNL actors. white zin would be Horatio Sanz
If wine were singers, white zin would be William Hung
If wine were the World Series, white zin would be the Red Sox
If wine were cars, white zin would be a Yugo.
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.Okay - so they're somewhat subjective - at least it's something you can run with.

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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.