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If you want to compromise, consider offering to take them and another young couple (one of her friends) on a double date to a movie, ice cream parlor, anything not too serious, but still fun for the kids. That way, you'll be able to supervise without being overbearing. Her angry reaction indicates that she isn't yet mature enough to go dating on her own, and may go too far and then regret it.
Telling her that a tampon is what sex feels like is misleading and will only lead to more distrust when she inevitably find out from friends at school that it just isn't true. Explain that sex is something that should happen between mature adults, and that the longer she waits, the more she'll be sure it's the right person she's doing it with, and the more she'll enjoy it. Tell her that if this guy is treating her like shit for not going out with him, that he probably just wanted sex and doesn't care about her. Tell her that he would not be worth the trouble if he is only interested in her vagina. Admit to her that you had sex at her age, and that it was a bad decision that you still regret. Explain to her that STD's can happen, and that more people than you would expect have them, and that sometimes it's the people you least expect, so you can't just assume that someone is clean because they tell you they are. If she's afraid of having a baby, tell her the straight facts about the risk of pregnancy, and that even regular condom use is only 97% effective, so there is a risk involved even with protected sex. Do not beat around the bush, this is a serious issue and your daughter deserves to know everything before she decides.
As for the racial issue, I suspect that your hesitance is based on a past experience of yours that caused emotional damage. Try to get to know some interracial couples and see how happy they are together.
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