Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Breaking up with your best friend, is this right?

EVIDENT · 05-30-2004, 04:37 PM

Sorry this is long; I just don’t think I could describe it any differently.

ok... here's my story.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and 10 months. We met each other in high school, her senior year and my junior year. We hung out occasionally and became good friends. We started talking more and ended up dating during her freshman year in college. I had dated a very-little in high school, but she was my first serious girlfriend and I was hers [boyfriend that is].

Flash forward about 2 years… I’ve learned so much from her. She is the kindest and most loving person I’ve eve met. But I’m not happy. I’ve discovered we are very, very different. I am a very spontaneous person, she’s absolutely not. I want to be able to say, “Let’s go to [insert faraway destination here] tonight!” This senior actually happened this spring. I got really excited about going to hear one of my favorite bands, Dispatch, in their final show. She refused to come with me because she was worried about what people would think about us going together and staying in the same room… which brings us to another issue…sex.

She wants to wait for marriage, and I totally respect that. It’s just so damn hard loving her and caring for her so much, yet always having to stop before “we go too far.” Now I know I might get flamed with “If you love her, you’ll respect her wishes,” but that’s just how I feel. I can’t justify it because I know I’m wrong, in a way – I guess. It makes me feel like my heart is torn inside.

We’ve talked about marriage… even pinned down a general time that we might want to. About a month ago my best friend told me he’s getting married. This freaked me out. He’s younger than me and been dating hid SO for less time than I have. At first I think I was way more open to the idea of marriage because with marriage would come sex and it was a kind of an unrealistic thought at the time. Now that it’s more of a reality, I know I don’t want to be married anytime soon.

My girlfriend has every quality I would want my wife to have; I just think it’s not the right time. I know if I married her now I would regret it later on. I want to experience other women, by this I don’t just mean sexually. When I do get married I don’t want to wonder what other women are like or if I should have dated more.

I also want to be able to move wherever my career (once I graduate in a few years) takes me without any hindrances.

I believe that if we're truly ment to be together, it will find a way.

So basically, I’ve decided to break up with her. I love her very much and don’t want to hurt her, but I feel like this is something I have to do.

Am I right in deciding this? How should I go about doing so, as to bring as little hurt to each other?

Thank you so very much for your time and responses.

05-30-2004, 04:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
EVIDENT Tilted Location: DFW	How do I break up with my best friend? Sorry this is long; I just don’t think I could describe it any differently. ok... here's my story. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and 10 months. We met each other in high school, her senior year and my junior year. We hung out occasionally and became good friends. We started talking more and ended up dating during her freshman year in college. I had dated a very-little in high school, but she was my first serious girlfriend and I was hers [boyfriend that is]. Flash forward about 2 years… I’ve learned so much from her. She is the kindest and most loving person I’ve eve met. But I’m not happy. I’ve discovered we are very, very different. I am a very spontaneous person, she’s absolutely not. I want to be able to say, “Let’s go to [insert faraway destination here] tonight!” This senior actually happened this spring. I got really excited about going to hear one of my favorite bands, Dispatch, in their final show. She refused to come with me because she was worried about what people would think about us going together and staying in the same room… which brings us to another issue…sex. She wants to wait for marriage, and I totally respect that. It’s just so damn hard loving her and caring for her so much, yet always having to stop before “we go too far.” Now I know I might get flamed with “If you love her, you’ll respect her wishes,” but that’s just how I feel. I can’t justify it because I know I’m wrong, in a way – I guess. It makes me feel like my heart is torn inside. We’ve talked about marriage… even pinned down a general time that we might want to. About a month ago my best friend told me he’s getting married. This freaked me out. He’s younger than me and been dating hid SO for less time than I have. At first I think I was way more open to the idea of marriage because with marriage would come sex and it was a kind of an unrealistic thought at the time. Now that it’s more of a reality, I know I don’t want to be married anytime soon. My girlfriend has every quality I would want my wife to have; I just think it’s not the right time. I know if I married her now I would regret it later on. I want to experience other women, by this I don’t just mean sexually. When I do get married I don’t want to wonder what other women are like or if I should have dated more. I also want to be able to move wherever my career (once I graduate in a few years) takes me without any hindrances. I believe that if we're truly ment to be together, it will find a way. So basically, I’ve decided to break up with her. I love her very much and don’t want to hurt her, but I feel like this is something I have to do. Am I right in deciding this? How should I go about doing so, as to bring as little hurt to each other? Thank you so very much for your time and responses. __________________ " " - Silent Bob Last edited by EVIDENT; 05-30-2004 at 07:21 PM..