iamtheone

Politics is just a bunch of old dudes talking shit. It's exactly like it was in the school yard, except these old ball-bangers actually control our economy. Has anyone here met a politician? And I'm not talking about some heshian-sack-wearing "independent" politician; I'm talking about the real McCoy. Of course you've never met one. And why would you want to? These old motherfuckers are all up in their ivory towers, taking giant hits of snuff from miniature timbre chests, while playing sedate frames of billiards against their stunning old chums. Who the fuck wants to relate to that type of possibly homosexual life? A politician is the equivalent of an alive dead guy.

There are two types of proper politicians: conservatives, and conservatives who pretend not to be conservatives because they belong to the democrats. There are no succcessful progressive politicians. The definition of a politician is someone who can kick ass at arguing - this is the official definition from the concise "I rule" dictionary - so it is obvious that left-wing people cannot be successful politicians. Left-wingers can't argue for shit. A libertarian's attempt at heated dispute would look like something between a sedated canary and a wilting flower. In short: peace-loving people are fucking wimps.

So basically what you have is a situation where a bunch of money-grabbing, buzzcut 60-year-olds are running about capital cities all over the globe in a disgusting attempt to steal money that my parents worked damn hard for. FUCK YOU, POLITICIANS. I will not stand idly by while 32% of my Potential Allowance Index [PAI] is swept away by an inefficient bunch of leathery old testicles. The duty of the politician is to steal public money. And the duty of me is to kick every politician's ass - except for Arnold Schwarzenegger [because he is too strong].

I wouldn't mind if there were some hot chick politicians. But there are none. Sure there was some pornstar who ran for Governor in California, but those freaks never win. The only successful female politicians are the ones who trade their tits in for a nutsack. You know the type of person I am talking about. I am talking about Margaret goddamn Thatcher. Margaret Thatcher is the archtype of every female politician: ugly as hell, and in league with Satan. Sure, there might be some nice female politicians, but those losers will never be successful, so there is no point counting them.

I hate politicians because they get all types of cool things, like government cars and free 5-star hotel rooms. This would be all good if there were young politicians, like say, me, for example. But there are no me politicians. None at all. All the high-ranking politicians are at least 60 years old. I for one think it is unfair that these hair-shedding old invalids get all the public benefits when they are clearly too old to enjoy them. It's like throwing a stick to a 26-year old rottwheiler: the pathetic creature is so fat, bald, and old that it won't even be able to get to its feet, let alone fetch the goddamn stick - and if you expect it to enjoy the experience, then you are one beer short of a sixpack "old chap".

What the hell does a politician need a $100,000 dollar car for? Is this old fart going to cruise by the local canasta society and pick up some fresh young widowers? Will he "mound up" and blast his stereo in the parking lot of the local lawn bowls club? What exactly is the point? Politicians are so old that they should be given those comical scooter/wheelchair things as Government cars. There is no excuse for the amount of money we spend on bald politicians. Society is like a loser who spends $20,000 repairing an old car that was only worth $200. I have some complicated advice for society: BUY A NEW CAR, FUCKWIT!!!

When will society learn? Old people suck. When I am old I am going to get tattoos, start smoking weed again. Then I will gradually regress to the level of a teenager. I will say things ilke "old people these days, they're the same as they always were: FUCKING OLD AND RETARDED!!!" I will also admit my senility and defer to young people in all matters of importance. I will keep my spirits high by smoking weed and gradually contracting alzheimers. I will teach kids to disobey their parents and I will encourage crime, alcoholism, and grifting. Anyone who tries to stop me is a fucking loser; if you are a girl with good morals, a beautiful smile, and sparkling white teeth: THIS MEANS YOU.

Yeah that's right, you clean cut little bitches are the most annoying people on the face of this Earth. Here is an actual statement from Britney Spears:

"I think we should trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that."

Thanks for that brilliant advice, you FUCKING WHORE.

So if president Bush happens to decide to take a turd in his bathtub, I am supposed to "trust him" and "support that"? What the fuck? "Uh yeah, so I congratulate you, President Bush sir, on your wonderful decision to take a turd in your bathtub." These retarded women always forget that it's his job to make decisions. We don't have to like every one he makes. We're supposed to hurl shit at him every time he fucks up, or it's not a democracy. America is fucked up enough as it is, but imagine what things would be like if we "trusted" and "supported" every decision George Bush made.

Before you start imagining, here are some things that George W. Bush has "decided":

1. That Africa is a nation.
2. That he used to be a "small business growth".
3. That blind musician Stevie Wonder would respond if he waved at him.
4. That he is "a follower of American politics."
5. That everyone who disagrees with him is in league with Al Qaeda.

Imagine what the world would be like if everyone trusted and supported everything a politician said, especially if that politician was George Bush. Africa would become one country, pretzels and Segways would be banned as lethal weapons, and everyone would talk to blind people in sign language. It would be against the law to be poor, and everyone would be forced to live on a ranch in Texas. Plastic surgery to look like a monkey would be compulsory. Society would just be a bunch of scared people doing everything their child-like master said. Oops, isn't American society already like that? Oh well, I guess we're doomed after all. In conclusion, here is a quote from the world's pre-eminent politician, the president of the United States:

"You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, or about why I do things." — George W. Bush, aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

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