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That is the number one "fear" that I try to not "fear". I am so, so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even fathom losing my son, but it can happen, sadly enough.
And I am sorry to hear that your SO is struggling so much. I'd probably check myself into a psych ward if that happened to me.
And I am sure you are struggling as well.
And I say this through gritting my teeth and fighting back tears, because I empathize, but all things do happen for a reason. But, alas, that is one experience that would be hard for even me to handle well and accept it as meant to be.
God bless you - your son is with you. ((hugs))
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