Heard: "Deeper baby, oh yes, deeper deeper!"
Said: "I can't"
Heard: "Just dont get it in my eye, hon....AAAGHHH!"
Said: "Whoops"
Heard: "What's that sound?"
Said: "Oh, sorry. You could hear that?"
Heard: "What? No, was that the door?"
Said: "Uhm, no?"
(It turns out to be her parents.)
Heard: "Ohhh, yes...that feels so good."
Said: "Mmmm...wow."
Heard: "Wait, is the condom on?"
Said: "Condom?"
Said: "This feels amazing, mmm"
Heard: "Hun, you arnt in yet."
Heard: "Excuse me, we're going to have to ask you two to leave the park. We dont allow sexual activity in the wave pool."
Heard: "Hi, we're home!....WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?"
(After blowjob, I came on her, but some of it overshot and got on the floor. We went to the bathroom to clean up, and upon returning...)
Heard: "Ok, got the towel. So....wait....what is the cat doing licking the floor?...Oh my god."
Said: "BAD KITTY!"
I've had a very tragic sex life.