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Originally posted by dtappeiner
[B] Thanks for all of the great replies. I am just frustrated. Not sure about the squirting thing, but who knows. When we were younger, she was much less conservative and we used toys and had all kinds of un, but I have never really seen her orgasm.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner I have been with quite a few women and have not had this problem before...they have all had plenty of orgasms, whether by oral or intercourse and, either my wife has orgasms and they just aren't as loud and intense as the others, or she just hasn't had on at all.
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All women are different. What worked for one woman doesn't necessarily work for other women.
It's disturbing that after 10 years of marriage, you honestly don't know whether or not your wife has had an orgasm or not. "Was it good for you?" is a horribly tacky question. You should be able to tell.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
I am most worried that this will cause a division between us because I feel inadequate and sometimes I feel like I want to go outside the marriage and find a woman that I can please...I know that is weak but I feel very inadequate lately!
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That division is already there.
Going outside the marriage is hardly a solution, especially if it's just for your ego.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
It's not for lack of effort. I try to stimulate her with my fingers or with my tongue for as long as I can and I would stay down on her for hours if she would let me...just to get her off...
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Some women, have extremely sensitive clitorises, direct stimulation on it does not have the desired result. It's almost painful, not pleasurable.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
I know the passion can fade over time as it has for both of us, but there must be something I can do.
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It doesn't have to at all. And it's not all on your shoulders. You are a couple, it shouldn't be I - it should be WE
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
It's hard to talk to her because she always gets pissed if I bring up issues about sex and she says everything is fine...but can it really be fine if she never cumms?
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Is her having an orgasm about her, or about you? If she says it's fine, then are you after her orgasming to make you feel better about your performance?
Have you considered talking to a third party, a marriage counselor? Sounds like there's some other issues there and sex is just a part of it.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
Part of me has thought about finding a guy locally to see if he could seduce her and get her off....but I am also scared that she would then have no reason to come back to me!!
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Oh Sweet Jesus -- I surely hope you were kidding - that's really a solution.
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Originally posted by dtappeiner
There must be some women out here that have had similar problems. Looking forward to any further suggestions.
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Sometimes, especially as a woman ages, orgasms don't come as easy as they did in their 20s. It's no reflection on their sexual partner, it's job stress, environment, family, other stuff that's hard to clear from the mind. Plus if she's getting pressure to have an orgasm, that makes it all the harder. Why do you think that some women fake? Would it make you feel better if she did that?
Communiucation is still a big problem for you two. If talking makes her uncomfortable and pisses her off, well, then, not to be insensitive, (aw screw it, I am insenstive) but maybe it's your approach. Write down what you want to say to her, get all your thoughts down. And make it about YOU -- not her. Tell her about how you feel, it's not selfish - -by getting your feelings out, you are not accusing her and not putting her on the defensive.