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This just in: Being alive greatly increases your risk of cancer.
I'd rather be eaten alive by my own mutated cells than by something like Alzheimer's. People need to stop being so paranoid and uptight about what's going to give them cancer. What's the point in living your life if you run away form what makes it enjoyable?
If you want to reduce your risk of cancer, go live in a bubble. Then I'll point and laugh as your plastic bubble outgasses carcinogenic fumes.
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