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Wow, did I write this thread? Half the expreiences here are mine too. Contrary, I don't dance either (and no, it's not an insecurity thing, I just don't enjoy it) and it causes a hell of a lot of problems in my relationships. So does getting shitty at each other and not speaking for the rest of the night, making it very awkward for our mutual friends.
And FFT, I (almost always) trust my partners enough to let them hang out with whoever they want. My current partner (most likely ex-partner by the time anyone reads this) gets angry that I don't get jealous. She thinks it means I don't care about what she does and that I'm not as commited as her.
Anyway, Contrary, I think you've made your point to her. Her anger and accusations and blame on you aren't because she thinks it's your fault, it's because she saw this coming as clear as day and did everything you asked her not to. You gave her other options too and she accepted them at first, then went back on her word.
You could not have made it any clearer that if X happens and Y happens then Z will happen (you'll end it). You told her that and whether she believed it or not is irrelevent.
Give it some time for her to calm down and resolve some of her own issues, and give yourself time to do your own stuff too. I strongly believe everyone should say what they mean and mean what they say, and you did both. That doesn't mean you can get back with her once your point has been made.
I think the length of my post is rivaling yours (cue the giggles), so I'll say:
- You had an agreement, she backed out
- You were right, she was wrong
- Give it some time, so you can think and so can she
- Talk to her and explain what happened, and tell her you want to give her another chance
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