FFT

Short Version:

There's this girl that I want to date, but she's already dating a longtime friend. I'm afraid that if I do anything other than let the relationship end naturally, she'll hold me responsible if the friendship between them is lost. What should I do?

Long Version:

Between 2 and 3 years ago I talked to this girl. She seemed nice. I didn't really get to know her very well, she was a sort-of-friend of a friend. I met her once in person, and the three of us talked in a chat room on AIM From what I remember, we basically joked around. Having a fun time, that's what's stuck with me.

Some amount of time after that (around a year and a half ago), I happened to be going through my buddy list, removing people I no longer remembered or wanted to speak to. I came across her screen name, vaguely remembered that it was a girl, someone I had talked to that was interesting. We talked, I remembered who she was (and even some weird details that I remember to this day, like what color shirt she wore and what her hair looked like when I first saw her).

So at some point in the conversation, I get invited to a party. This is, of course, amazing to me, as it's something that happened exceedingly rarely. I had just recently turned 18, and my dad had bought me a car for my birthday. (Come to think of it, I could probably put a date on when this went down if I took the effort. I'll come back to it.) I wasn't supposed to be out after sunset, and I knew if I left I was probably going to do just that, but I left anyway. Hey, this really was a new experience for me. I pick her up (oh yeah), and head to the party. We catch up on old times (right) on the way there, I learn more about her. We get to the party, it's amazing. She beats me at pool, but she's very ticklish so I took what revenge I could. Tons of people show up, it gets dark outside, I say my goodbyes. I get home, get told by my dad, but that's not important in this story.

After that night, we talked a few times on the phone, but we didn't see each other again. At one point, she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship. That threw me off, because I'd become somewhat attached. (This girl is amazing). We talk a bit after that, but nothing comes of it. Until she tells me she's started seeing someone. Some guy in a band, that has a daughter. This really threw me off. I became somewhat disgusted, and we stopped talking to eachother. I became involved with another girl, whom I dated for about a year. That ended about six months ago.

I'd been working at a private business club, and her school had a function there in February. I noticed her (she was wearing pink, everyone else had black or blue). I didn't really get a chance to talk to her, since I was supposed to be working, but I managed to be the one that served her. She didn't really seem to recognize me. She disappeared near the end, and I figured I'd try to at least get in touch with her. I wrote down my email address and name, and asked one of the teachers there to pass it along.

At about this time, my internet access was cut off due to moving around. The email address I gave her was one that I could only check through Outlook Express (or something like it). About a month ago, I got a new internet connection. I checked, she had sent me two emails. One was sent (I assume) the Monday she got my message. The other was sent almost a month afterwards (late March).

I became intimidated. I wasn't sure how to go about talking to someone with whom I had reacted as you read above. About mid-April, I sent her an email telling her my phone number, with the explanation that it was a long story as to why I hadn't called her back. She responded with "hey thats cool, just call me whenever you can or i will call you sometime." As you can probably surmise from my previous behavior, I didn't call her. Last Tuesday she called me. We talked, she picked me up, we went bowling, we had fun. If she didn't remove the walls I had built around myself, at least she convinced me to peek over them.

During this time I find out a few choice things. Apparently, every girl at this function had noticed me. I had been referred to as the "hot waiter." Not only that, but when she and her friend saw me serving her, her friend later said "that guy was hot," and she agreed. Apparently, many people had then become jealous of me when it was learned that I had tried to talk to her. This actually caused her current boyfriend (not the band member) to break up with her, because he thought that she was cheating on him, with me. I'm not sure of the timeline on this, just that it happened between her first and second emails. She had since become involved with a longtime friend. Apparently, had I been quicker with my actions, I could have been the person she hooked up with.

The second thing I found out, was that when she had said she wasn't looking for a relationship, she was still attracted to me. If I had pushed the issue (appropriately), I would have had a good chance of dating her. I didn't come off as interested enough, so she looked elsewhere. Which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

So, present day. Many things have happened over the past few days. The walls had gone back up over this time period, but once again, she's breaking them down. I'm not a totally different person, but there have been some changes in my personality for the better. I've been invited to parties, met a lot of new people, and had an amazing amount of fun.

There's just one thing preventing me from actually trying to date her. She's going out with someone. Not just anyone, either. This guy has been there for her throughout her tumultuous relationships, and after the most recent breakup, when she turned to him for shelter, they took it farther this time.

But their relationship isn't perfect. She went on quite a bit on how people stop talking to people they've broken up with in the past. The other night, She took me to a graduation party which was a lot of fun, but her boyfriend stayed with a bunch of his friends. We went to his place afterwards, where we hung out until about two.

I was her ride, so by that point everyone had left except the three of us. We watched TV, talked, had fun. And then they started play-fighting. It was hilarious, because I knew they were just kidding around. And then it got serious. It was still just verbal, but there was feeling behind it. Some things were said which definitely shouldn't have been said, especially around other people (me). I tried not to pay attention, but I did notice when it got serious. They continued fighting, half-serious, until it wound down.

Eventually we came to the consensus that it was time for everyone to go home. In the car she seemed pretty shaken up about the whole thing. It was apparently their first close-to-real, if not real, fight as a couple. When we got to her place, we started talking. This time we actually were catching up on old times, actually revealing things in our past. We sat and stood around, outside, for about an hour and a half. The time went by amazingly quickly. We said goodnight, and I left.

Now she's going out of town for a couple weeks with her dad. So I have time to think about what I'm going to do. I'm not sure about it. I want to get with this girl, but I don't want to hurt anybody to get to that point. I really don't. But the things that have been revealed have revealed openings. I know that this girl is attracted to me, mentally and physically, she's admitted to such to me personally. The feeling is mutual, something I haven't really revealed to her. This is probably the problem.

To anyone that's gotten this far, thank you. I know that what I wrote was long-winded. It's the most I've written in a long time, and the most I've ever written on this subject. It's also the most I've revealed about myself on an internet forum.

But what should I do? I can quite easily wait. Their relationship seems to be getting rocky, and if I'm around, she may see me as someone to turn to. I'm definitely not going to do what I did the last time, I'm not just going to disappear from her life.

Can anyone give me a suggestion? (Maybe a writing critique? Geez . . . maybe if I wrote like this normally I would have done better in English.)