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My sympathies for your situation.
You not only have chronic pancreatitis, but also are depressed over your perceived burden of care. Depression and the availability of strong narcotics make for a bad mix, especially in someone who feels life would be better if she killed herself.
Please make your thoughts known to your husband and doctor, who may not be aware of your degree of depression. Good treatment is available.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers
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For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel, looking, looking, ...breathlessly.
-Carlos Castaneda
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