I am shocked at the possessiveness of this forum. I thought I was the jealous and possessive type but I guess I'm not!
The thought police are here!
How, in any way, do your thoughts constitute cheating? If I fantasize about someone else while we're having sex, is that cheating? If I'm looking at porn while masturbating, is that cheating? If I'm having coffee with a girl (as Pragma has suggested), is that cheating? Really, everyone needs to look at this, realistically.
Yes, you are attracted to her. Yes, she is attracted to you. So, what? Attraction, in and of itself, is not cheating! Talking is not cheating. If you were to spill your semen inside this girl--okay, that would be cheating. Hell, kissing her would be cheating. I'd even go as far as to say holding her hand would be cheating (in our society, anyway). Coffee and conversation is not...
Here, what I think, are the real questions you need to answer. Did you agree to stop talking with women? Did you two agree to actively avoid anyone you find attractive? Did you agree that, if you ever met someone you might like better then her, you would try your best to never see this someone, ever again? If you can honestly answer yes to any questions like these then, yeah, you are cheating. Otherwise, you're not. It's that simple.
Now, don't get me wrong, I would be less then impressed if you actively tried to hide these things from your girlfriend. You don't have to volunteer every detail, just tell her that you like this girl and you're hanging out. There's nothing wrong with that (unless you said yes to any of the previous questions!). If she asks for more detail, I suggest that you tell her. If you don't feel you can be open with your girlfriend of four years, that's another (separate) problem. If you think she'll take it badly that's, yet, another (separate) problem.
The situation's not ideal but that's life.
I don't understand the attitudes of this forum. It's as if no one thinks there can ever be a reason for someone to break-up with their girlfriend or boyfriend. That's insane! How many of you have ever been involved in a break-up? How many times? Why did it happen? People break-up all the time, even after four years, and one of the most common reasons for doing so is that you've met someone else...
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