Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - What should a man do when she lets herself slack?

raeanna74 · 05-06-2004, 06:54 AM

Which one of you does the grocery shopping and fixes the meals?

That is one area in which you can help "encourage" her to eat better. If you do part or all of the shopping you can buy more lower calorie snacks and fewer junk foods. Try cooking more at home if you can. Restaurants and fast foods are an easy place to overeat and serve lots of high calories foods. Try cooking better. One thing I've done for us is stop using lots of butter or salt in foods. You can always add those later when you serve up your food but if it's not in the food already then when you want to put butter on your potatoes when they're on your plate won't add up to quite the same amount. Try fixing more meals for her and she may not be as tempted to snack on junk.

Another subtle thing you can do is take her on "romantic" walks. The activity, even though it may be slow and low impact is much better than sitting in front of the TV and rotting. Introduce it to her saying that you want to do more things with her. Don't mention her weight.

Then when it comes to her complaining about her weight just ignore her comments. If she gets upset about you ignoring it then you can say that what she does with her body is her choice and you aren't going to criticize her for it. You aren't exactly saying that you like or dislike her body and you are telling her that it's up to her and to quit complaining. Maybe she doesn't get it when you are subtle - Then next time she complains, then you ignore the comment completely (don't even look at her), then you can tell her that you really don't want her to complain and draw your attention to her negative body image.

Stear clear of the weight issue completely. Obviously she has a negative body image and any criticism even voiced in an encouraging way will be taken negatively. She may be responding to the depression over her weight gain by finding solace in junk food. So drawing attention to her weight will only encourage more binging.

You could suggest that you go to couples counseling. It won't hurt for you to have an opportunity to voice your concerns and the counselor can help her recognize the vicious cycle she has begun by packing on the pounds.

I agree you should be able to love someone for who they are and not what they look like. But being sexually attracted if a physical thing and looks have a lot to do with it. I can understand where you are coming from but putting pressure on her to loose weight is only going to complicate things.

I didn't vote because I wouldn't do any of the above. In this kind of situation confronting it head on isn't going to accomplish ANYTHING but break to two apart. Ignoring the situation will do nothing for either of you either. If you care about her you will try to change both your lifestyles without bringing up weight or fitness. And definately seek counseling. You don't have to tell her that it has anything to do with her phyisque either. Just COUPLES counseling to better your relationship. I think getting outside help is probably your best bet.

05-06-2004, 06:54 AM	#2 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Which one of you does the grocery shopping and fixes the meals? That is one area in which you can help "encourage" her to eat better. If you do part or all of the shopping you can buy more lower calorie snacks and fewer junk foods. Try cooking more at home if you can. Restaurants and fast foods are an easy place to overeat and serve lots of high calories foods. Try cooking better. One thing I've done for us is stop using lots of butter or salt in foods. You can always add those later when you serve up your food but if it's not in the food already then when you want to put butter on your potatoes when they're on your plate won't add up to quite the same amount. Try fixing more meals for her and she may not be as tempted to snack on junk. Another subtle thing you can do is take her on "romantic" walks. The activity, even though it may be slow and low impact is much better than sitting in front of the TV and rotting. Introduce it to her saying that you want to do more things with her. Don't mention her weight. Then when it comes to her complaining about her weight just ignore her comments. If she gets upset about you ignoring it then you can say that what she does with her body is her choice and you aren't going to criticize her for it. You aren't exactly saying that you like or dislike her body and you are telling her that it's up to her and to quit complaining. Maybe she doesn't get it when you are subtle - Then next time she complains, then you ignore the comment completely (don't even look at her), then you can tell her that you really don't want her to complain and draw your attention to her negative body image. Stear clear of the weight issue completely. Obviously she has a negative body image and any criticism even voiced in an encouraging way will be taken negatively. She may be responding to the depression over her weight gain by finding solace in junk food. So drawing attention to her weight will only encourage more binging. You could suggest that you go to couples counseling. It won't hurt for you to have an opportunity to voice your concerns and the counselor can help her recognize the vicious cycle she has begun by packing on the pounds. I agree you should be able to love someone for who they are and not what they look like. But being sexually attracted if a physical thing and looks have a lot to do with it. I can understand where you are coming from but putting pressure on her to loose weight is only going to complicate things. I didn't vote because I wouldn't do any of the above. In this kind of situation confronting it head on isn't going to accomplish ANYTHING but break to two apart. Ignoring the situation will do nothing for either of you either. If you care about her you will try to change both your lifestyles without bringing up weight or fitness. And definately seek counseling. You don't have to tell her that it has anything to do with her phyisque either. Just COUPLES counseling to better your relationship. I think getting outside help is probably your best bet. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.