If you think the marriage is worth saving, then save it. Loving someone isn't enough, you have to like the other person too, that is generally more difficult.
Have you considered marriage counseling, you both sound like you have some issues to work out, sometimes having the two of you talk to a neutral third party makes it easier. Talk to a therapist, a minister, someone who can help you both get to the root of what the problem is.
Don't try to diagnose why you think she wants out, cause you could be completely off base, the two of you need to talk to someone who's in a position to help.
Quote:
I think she needs to figure out what can she live with:
1. Splitting up our family to satisfy her need for self control.
2. Staying together and trying to find a way to live with the idea of not being able to put herself first.
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Why are those the only two options?