A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn't know if he's going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son's sake.
The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard-on. Out of nowhere, a beautiful nurse walks in, kneels down, and blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone to his son and says, "Son! I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home!"
The son says, "Wow, Pop. You sound really happy. What happened?"
The old man says, "You won't believe it. I woke up this morning with a hard-on, and the most beautiful nurse I've ever seen in my life came into my room and blew me. Didn't say a word. Just blew me."
"Well, that sounds great, Dad. Congratulations."
"Well, thank you, Son." the old man says, and hangs up the phone.
Later that day, the old man is walking down the hall in his walker. He slips and falls and can't get up. A big hillbilly orderly comes up to him, rips his pants down, fucks him up the ass, and leaves him lying there in a heap.
The old man crawls to a phone and calls his son. "You gotta get me out of here, Son, this place is nuts!"
"What happened, Pop? You sound terrible!" says the son.
"Well, I was walking with my walker and I fell down and couldn't get up. Then this big hillbilly orderly came by, ripped my pants down, and fucked me up the ass!"
"Well, you know, Dad," says the son. "You got a blow job this morning. You gotta take the good with the bad...."
"No, you don't understand, Son!" exclaims the old man. "I only get a hard-on once a month! I fall down three, four times a day!"
- another borrowed from Drew Carey's book "Dirty Jokes and Beer: Stories of the Unrefined"