You seem to be asking two questions here. First off, my wife and I agreed on several things before we got married on dealing with the rearing. We decided that what ever one said, it was not going to be changed by the other. So whatever was said goes kind of thing. We have yet to disagree on punishment or the way of handling things.
As for the children battleing, once and while you just have to let it go. This is hard for me, because I don't like to have anyone upset, and I try to get in the middle to smooth things out. But you have to let them learn to fight, verbally, and to solve things on their own. Not all the time but enough. But you also have to get your wife on board to your thinking as well.
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