scansinboy

What do you call a guy hiding inside your mailbox?


Bill.


Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?


She was a woman.


And in the spirit of the Ghandi joke above:

One morning, as Fred leaves for work, he goes out to his garage only to find that his car won't start. Not knowing what to do he runs back inside.
Why don't you take the bus to work? Says his wife. Take the number 6, the one that goes over to Sesame Street. That's just a block or so from your office, you can walk from there.
Fred thanks his wife for the advice, kisses her goodbye and heads off to bus stop.
In no time, the bus arrives and Fred gets on. Good morning, says the bus driver, Haven't seen you on this line before.
"My car broke down," explained Fred. "Looks like it's good old public transportation for me," as he takes a seat right behind the driver.
No sooner than Fred sits down, Two of the fattest women he has ever seen get on right behind him so big that they look like they could easily take up three seats each. The bus driver calls out "Morning Patty, Morning Patty."
Confused, Fred inquires about the large women.
"Oh those are twin sisters, both named Patty. Unfortunate Thyroid problem, but two of the friendliest gals I've met in a long time."
Even though he find it a bit srange, Fred accepts the explination even though he can't stop staring at their enormous girth.
At the next stop, A young boy gets on, clearly developmentally disabled.
"Morning, Ross" Exclaims the bus driver. "Doing some shopping today?"
Ross smiled a crooked smile, nodded his head enthusiastically and clapped his hands.
"That's Ross," The bus driver explained. "Down Syndrome. Some folk would call him slow, but We say he's 'Special.' "
Ahh, thought Fred, That would explain it.
At the third stop, an elderly obviously homeless man gets on and he is hacking and coughing up a storm.
"Morning Horace" calls the ever freindly Bus driver.
In the raspiest, wheeziest, most strained voice, Horace answered back "Morning", before resuming his coughing fit.
"Lifelong smoker, that Horace. Chronic Emphezima" The driver explains. The next thing that Fred notices is that Horace isn't wearing any shoes. Because of this, his feet are incredibly dirty and calloused, with bunions as big as golf balls. Horace takes a seat and begins picking at his feet, all the while coughing and hacking up a lung

The bus continues on, for a few more minutes untill finally the bus driver calls out, "Next stop, Sesame Street. End of the line."
Fred gratefully exits the bus and thanks the driver. "Colorful bunch you got on this route. Have a good one"

Later on that night, after Fred had returned home, he was about to tell his wife about the amazing, if not a bit odd cast of characters he had seen on his ride to work that morning. Before he could tell her however, she spoke up.
"I had the wierdest thing happen to me today. After you left for work, I went to the store, and right in front of me, up pulled a limoseen filled with... get this... Circus clowns. There had to be about 40 of them all piled into this limo. Isn't that wierd?"

"You think that's wierd?" Asked Fred. That's nothing. You will never believe what I witnessed on the ride to work this morning."

"And what's that dear?"

"Why that would be...

Two Obese Pattys, Special Ross, Horace wheeze, picking bunions on the Sesame Street bus."

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Don't blame me... *I* voted for Kodos!